Blocks

Blocks Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

I did go to school the next day. Some kids laughed at me but Leah promptly told them to shut their faces. Then they mocked her and a teacher came over and shooed them away. Leah was holding onto my good arm. It was quite comforting really. After school finished, she kissed my cheek. I still got excited whenever she touches me.

Chantel was at home with Dad when Anton and I got there. Chantel looked very angry. Dad looked a bit uncomfortable. Maybe they had been having a fight? I went up to my room with my books. I had some History homework to do (History was definitely my favourite school subject), plus the depression book from the councillor. I had to write things in it like this:

On a scale of one to ten; how depressed do you think you are?

How often; if ever; do you think about committing suicide?

How often; if ever; do you self-harm?

The answers to the last two questions were zero; but I put a four for the first question. I wouldn’t commit suicide because I knew I’d make it through all this teasing and bullying eventually and I just had to hold on. Self-harm wasn’t necessary because I get harmed enough at school. I don’t mind pain but I wouldn’t inflict it on myself. That’s pointless.

I was working through all my work when suddenly my door burst open. It was Chantel.

“You!” She shouted pointing at me, “you’re gay! I will not tolerate having a fag for a sister!” I was frozen with shock. What the fuck was that about?

“Chantel!” It was Dad. Chantel gave me the middle finger. She turned and left; slamming the door behind her. It took me a few minutes to recover; and when I did I was beyond furious. I stood up and kicked my wall. I put a nice hole in it too. I knocked my head against the wall and screamed at it as loud as I possibly could. I felt my throat burn. I heard my door open, it was probably Anton but I was so mad.

“FUCK OFF!!” I screamed. I completely lost it; I went crazy. I started destroying my room. I hurt my good arm turning my desk over. I hurled my cell phone across the room and punched a hole in my window. I threw a few books around for good measure as well. When I was done; I sat down on the floor and cried. I cried about James, I cried because I was gay, I cried about Chantel, I cried about the kids at school, I cried because I was really worried about Mum and also cried because I thought I was a bad girlfriend to Leah. I felt really hopeless but it did feel good to let it all out. My anger had been building up for a few weeks now; I had been like a ticking bomb ready to explode. I heard voices outside my room:

“She’s been in there for at least a hour, I think she’s destroyed her room.”

“I’ll talk to her Mr Leader.”

My door opened and closed again. Someone wrapped their arms around me; I would’ve told them to go away; but they smelt too good.

“It’s going to be OK Julz,” said Leah. I didn’t answer; I was too busy crying. She got up but shortly returned. This time she sat in front of me and used a tissue to wipe my face. I didn’t complain.

“Anton doesn’t mind that you told him to fuck off,” Leah said. So it had been Anton who had come in during my rage. I felt even worse and sobbed harder. Leah made me stand up and she hugged me tight. She was rubbing my back and making shushing noises. I felt a little better with her here. Maybe I’m a little bit in love with her? I thought. We have known each other for about fourteen years. That’s longer than I’ve known James. I actually wished I’d been friends with her for that length though.

“Wheee!” I screamed in joy as Dad pushed me higher and higher on the swing set. I was three years old and it was ‘bring your Dad day’ at Play centre. I loved my Dad so much. He had been so lucky to come to New Zealand when he was about my age (three). Dad had been born in Russia but he was a kiwi man all the way down. I wouldn’t want him any other way. While Mum was out drinking; it was Dad who took care of Anton and I. He was my hero; so I was more than happy to show him to my friends. Wait, what friends? I had none. Zilch. My Dad went inside to meet the teacher and I waited outside for him on the steps. The ‘cool’ boys that most of the girls loved approached me.

“Your Dad is a creep,” one said. I felt hurt, he was not!

“I hope he dies,” another said. Then he spat on me. I was so disgusted!

“Hey you silly boys!” someone called. It was a young girl with brown hair and blue eyes. “Leave that girl alone!”

I was thankful to the girl for saving me. I smiled at her and she smiled back. That was how I met Leah.

Now; fourteen years later. Leah pushed herself away from me, she looked me in the eyes and said:

“I love you Julia.”

I started spluttering so hard. I actually started crying again.

“I love you too,” I managed. She smiled at my broken face and wrapped her arms around my waist. She kissed me on the mouth. I kissed her back. We were far more passionate this time. I ran my good arm up and down her back as we kissed. I still cannot get over how good her lips felt against mine. I put my tongue in her mouth a little bit (I didn’t think she would bite it off or anything) When we finally broke apart; she told me that she would talk to me tomorrow. Sadly she had to leave before she was late home. It didn’t matter; she had cheered me up a lot by coming to see me. After she left; I went straight to bed because I was so tired. I dreamt about Leah all night.