All Hope Lost

Chapter 19

"Lilly you have a problem with drinking" sam says to me, he obviously knew I came home drunk last night.
"I don't sam" I say
"You do, what's going on?" He asks
"I don't know maybe I lost my baby then my husband cheated on me I got a divorce, had to go months feeling awful, getting a boyfriend that was rude to me and getting dumped" I say.
"Nate dumped you?" He asks
"Yep, cause I talked to cameron" I say
"Lilly just because everything is hectic right now doesn't mean you need to drink, talk to me, or sadie, or even nash!" He says
"I kissed cameron" I say regretting it slowly after.
"Seriously?!" He says
"Sam I didn't know what I was doing! I was confused and trying to figure everything out. I hate my life right now sam" I say now crying.
"Hey it's okay, don't cry" he says.
"I miss him so much" I say between cries. "I love him"
"I know" sam says.
*camerons pov*
I was an absolute mess.
Ever since lilly kissed me I haven't felt the same, I've had butterflies in my stomach and I feel like I'm walking around with the heart eye emoji on my face. Like I did when I first saw her.
Why did I miss up, and even when she forgave me I was mad at her for stupid reasons.
I'm such an ass.
*lillys pov*
I can't miss cameron.
He doesn't care about me.
No one cares about me.
I took a drink of the alcohol I found under sams bed. I knew That would be where he kept some.
I had it in a different bottle so it wasn't noticeable.
But I had to make sure I didn't drink to the point where it'd be noticeable.
I was about to take another drink before sam grabbed the bottle out of my hand and smelled it.
"I've done this before lills" he says and I sigh as he pours it out.
"No more" he says.
"Why do you even care?" I ask
"Because your my baby sister and I love you" he says
"I'm not a baby anymore sam" I say.
"I know but that doesn't mean that I don't care what you do" he says
My phone vibrated and I looked at it.
Nate: I'm sorry lills
Nate: I shouldn't have blown up on you the way I did, please forgive me babe?
I hated being called babe, he should know that. Cameron knew that.
I ignored his texts but they kept coming in.
Nate: babe? You there?
Lilly: DONT call me babe, you know I hate it, I just don't want to talk right now.
Nate: I miss you.
Honestly, I didn't miss him, and it sounds awful but I didn't like him more than a friend.
"Nate won't leave me alone" I say
"You're going to have to tell him sooner or later" sam says
"Tell him what?" I ask
"That you love cameron, not him" he says.
"I gotta go" I say.
"You drank, your not driving" he says
"Sam it was a few sips" I say
"NOPE, where do you wanna go I'll take you" he says
"Camerons" I say
We get in the car and drive to camerons.
"Bye" I say and he gives me a small smile before driving away.
I had to figure out what was happening.
I walk up to the door and hesitated to knock. But I did.
The door opens and standing there is a surprised looking cameron.
"Can we talk?" I ask and he nods letting me in.
"Thank you, for helping me out the past few days" I say.
"No problem lady bug" he says and I smiled looking down at the dress which was his favorite on me.
"Cameron I need you to stay away from me" I say
"W-why?" He asks.
"I can't handle it" I say letting a tear fall. "I can't stand seeing you and seeing how okay you are without me"
"Lilly you know me well enough to know I'm good at hiding my feelings" he says. "I've always been in love with you, and I always will be"
"Why'd you divorce me cam?" I ask
"Because i had problems"
"what do you mean?" I ask confused
"Like I said, I'm good at hiding my feelings, ever since out little Caylen didn't make it, I've had bad depression, I didn't know what I was doing or saying, I was trying to find something that made me happy but in the process of it all I lost what made me happy" he says
"Cam.. Why did you tell me?" I ask
"Cause I didn't want to trigger your anxiety" he says
"We're not 17 anymore, I can handle it" I say
"Why do you have a drinking problem?" He asks quickly
"I don't-"
"You know you so now tell me why, truthfully" he says
"C-cause I was lonely, and in a relationship that the only reason I was in it was because I was looking for something to help" I say
"I wasn't there for you, but I want to be now" he says
"I want you to be" I say
"So no more drinking?" He asks
"As long as I have you"