These Things That We've Done (Kellin Quinn) {Book 2}

Chapter 20. Rock To The Top

Chapter 20. Rock To The Top

~Summer~

It's been a difficult three weeks without River. Our new album came out, which was dedicated to him. I had to go back to Oregon, leaving my band mates and friends behind. And Kellin is pushing me away. I finally got him to tell me he loves me, but he's so unemotional. This morning when he left to go hang out with Jesse he didn't even say anything. He just gave Della and Allix kisses (Scarlett is with her mom and Mason in Michigan) and then left. 

I had to drop it though. My band's booking agent set up a tour and I have to Skype Steve to make it official it. If I want to do the tour then I'll fly to California to tell my band about it. 

Kellin should be back sooner or later. I can't take care of the twins all alone and he knows that. He should come home. 

Steve and I both got on Skype with smiles on our faces. I'm excited to tour again. "Hey you!" I giggled. 

"Hey girly. How ya been?" Steve asked. 

I shrugged. "Fine, I guess. I'm tired. The girls have been crying all day. I finally got them to take a nap, but I think they miss they're daddy."

"Well, where is Kellin?" he asked. 

"With Jesse," I answered. 

He frowned. "He should be with you."

I nodded. "I know, but it's whatever. So, what about this tour?"

"First off, it'd be you and Pierce The Veil headlining. The Maine and Crown the Empire would be opening. All the bands have agreed to the tour except us. The tour is called the Rock To The Top tour." I nodded I what he was saying, showing I understand. "Now I know this would be our first tour without River, but I think we should do it. Sorry We're Late just let out Infinity and Pierce let out their new album too, so this would be good for both bands. The tour is a month and a half and after this one I was thinking we could do a tour for the new album. You know, an Infinity tour. What do you say?" 

I smirked. "I would like to. I'd love to, actually. But I'm not sure if I can. I have Della and Allix at home. I'm afraid to be away from them. It's hard enough for me to be away from Scarlett when she's with Bethany. I'm not even Scar's real mom!" I groaned annoyingly. Why didn't I think about that before? I have two newborns! I guess I'm just so pumped on a tour that taking care of them slipped my mind. I'll be able to play and our album did just drop. Why not? I can fly home to visit the girls, and Kellin, every day we have off. I can even fly them to shows. Yeah, I could do this. 

"Summer, this would be good for the fans. They're still so torn up about River's suicide. They need some hope and on this tour you could give them that hope. I mean, you have so many new songs and lyrics to inspire them with. For instance, I Hate To See Your Hate Break. They need that song live. It shows how much you love them. You need to do this tour," Steve said. 

I bit my lip. "Okay. Okay, I'll do it. I can fly to Cali this weekend and talk to the band about it." 

Steve cheered. "Yes! This is great! I've been waiting so long for a tour."

I giggled. "Well good. I can't wait either." We continued to talk until I heard the front door open. Kellin walked lazily into the living room and immediately went to the girls' crib. He picked them up and gave them each a kiss before setting them down again. "Hey Kells," I mumbled. "Steve, I gotta go. I'll call you later."

"Bye," he sighed.

We hung up and I stood to my feet. I moved over to Kellin. "How was Jesse's place?" I asked. 

He shrugged. "Fine," is all he said before walking away to our bedroom. I frowned and followed, remembering to grab my baby monitor. It's like a walkie talkie. 

I walked into bedroom shortly after him. He was on the bed writing in his song journal. He didn't even look up at me. He looked lost in his lyrics. 

"Kellin… I-" love you. 

"What?" he hissed. He continued to write though. 

I shook my head. "Nothing. I'm going to go make dinner." I left the room and went to the kitchen. I got out some stuff to make pancakes. Why not have breakfast for dinner? It's easier to make and I'd rather make that then meat. I hate when he wants meat for dinner and I have to make it. He should make his own burgers, though he doesn't. 

While I made our food I thought about our marriage. Why is everything going downhill? Why won't he love me when I need him most? I'm so delicate and vulnerable right now. If I don't get comfort I think I'll lose my mind. Is this how things are going to be from now on? Him being so distant and me needing to me loved? Our marriage is going to lead to divorce soon, I know it. 

Whoa, wait, what? Divorce? No. I love him. Just because I'm not getting fucked doesn't mean I should break things off with him! Gosh, I sound like such a slut. I can't help it if I have needs. I can help it if my husband ignores my existence. 

I dropped it and finished making breakfast. One the pancakes were done I put half on my plate and half on Kellin's. I set the plates on the dinner table and filled some cups up with ice water for drinks. I I grabbed the baby monitor and walked back into the bedroom. Kellin was just closing his song journal and putting the pen on the nightstand. He looked up at me, noticing that I was in the doorway. I smiled lovingly at him, hoping for a little bit of affection back. I got nothing. 

I inwardly sighed before saying, "I finished making dinner. I made pancakes. Come eat."

"No thanks," he mumbled. His face was expressionless and his tone was emotionless.

"Did you want something different? I make something else if you want," I suggested in a quiet voice. 

He shook his head and stood up, forgetting about his book. "I'm not hungry."

What I happening to my husband? Nothing I do is right. Nothing I say means anything. "Kellin, what's wrong?" I asked. "You're scaring me." He is. I'm worried for him. He's not himself anymore and it's tearing me apart. It's breaking me to pieces. I hate seeing him so broken that he's nothing around me. I want the Kellin I feel in love with back, the one I've been through so much with. 

"Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Now if you will excuse me I'm gonna go take a shower," he mumbled before walking into our bathroom. He shut the door behind him. 

I couldn't help but look at his song journal. What? I'm not being snoopy. I'm his wife, aren't I allowed to look? There could be some stuff in his book that might give me some sort of hint about what's up in his head. He won't tell me himself so I have to read his thoughts in his lyrics. 

I flipped through the pages to the one he was just writing on. The title was "Sorry" and the song looked finished. I read over his messy writing curiously. 

I've been thinking lately
About you and me
And all the questions left unanswered
How it all could be
And I hope you know
You never left my head
And if I ever let you down
I'm sorry

Woah-ohh
Oh no no no...
Woah-ohh

I've seen you around here lately
You smile brighter than you should
And me I've been so lonely
I'm glad you're doing good
Cuz I can't forget the way it used to be
And if I ever let you down, well I'm sorry

Woah-oh-oh-oh
No I can't let you...
Go-oh-oh-oh
And you know that you can...
Take all of me
I swear I will be
Better than before
So sing it back
Woah-oh-oh-oh
No I can't let you go

I'm sorry for the things I've done, things I've done
I'm sorry for the man I was
And how I treated you
I'm sorry for the things I've done, things I've done
I'm sorry for the man I was
And how I treated you

Take me as I am
I'll give you my all
Baby, you can take me at my word

I'll do anything
Just to make this right

Take me as I am
I won't do you harm
Baby, you won't ever be alone
I'll do anything if you just give me one more chance
Oh, I'll make it right

Woah-oh-oh-oh
No I can't let you...
Go-oh-oh-oh
And you know that you can...
Take all of me
I swear I will be
Better than before
So sing it back
Woah-oh-oh-oh
No I can't let you go

I've been thinking lately
About you and me
And all the questions left unanswered
How it all could be
And I hope you know
You never left my head
And if I ever let you down
I'm sorry

"What are you doing?" a voice asked from behind me. 

I practically jumped out if my skin, yelping and closing the song book. At lightening speed I tossed back onto the bed where it was before. I slowly turned to my husband who stood in the bathroom doorway. He wasn't fully undressed yet. Only his shirt was off so he hadn't taken a shower yet. How did I not hear the door open? 

"I… uh… I was just…" Shit! What do I say? I don't need him hating me more than he already does! "I'm going on tour soon!" I blurted out. 

He raised his eyebrows. "Really? When?"

"Three weeks. Yep. Yeah, so-"

"Good luck with that," he muttered, cutting me off. He turned around and walked back Ito the bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind him.

I sighed. That one was close. I wonder what those lyrics mean. They're new. Maybe they're about what has been going on between us lately. I have been smiling a lot lately, he is still stuck up on the way things were when River was around, and maybe he's sorry for letting me down. 

Or maybe I'm thinking to much and those lyrics mean nothing. They're just words that go together to make a nice song. Though that doesn't sound like Kellin, that's probably it, even though I hope it's not. 

The baby monitor clipped to the waistline of my pants went off. My ears filled with the cries from Allix. I knew it was Allix because I can tell their voices apart. Allix's cries or a bit more high pitched than Della's. 

"Hold on Allix," I mumbled to her. If only she could hear me. "I'm coming…"

A/N: I am now pissed off because Wattpad deleted some of this chapter. It's all there now though! Anyways, can you guys do me a favor? Check out my new Vic Fuentes story: There's Faith In Love! It would mean the world to me. Link in the external link on the side, in the comments, or you can find it on my profile. I love you all and thank you. Also, just a heads up. There are only going to be 15-20 chapters left of this story and I am writing fast. Enjoy.

~Catt