These Things That We've Done (Kellin Quinn) {Book 2}

Chapter 38. Sorry

Chapter 38. Sorry

~Kellin~ 

There are many things I realized in the past three months. One, I might still be in love with Summer. Two, it's been too long since we've talked. Three, Alissa and I need to break up. And four, writing is shit. Now, I'll explain. 

Since that kiss many months ago the morning after Blu's wedding I couldn't stop thinking about her. Her voice, her face, her body, her sense of humor, her intelligence, her everything. I know no one is perfect, but I swear she's perfect for me. That makes it so much harder for me considering she's not mine anymore. Alissa is. 

It's been about three months since we talked. Scarlett's third birthday just passed, and on the fifteenth of February she texted me saying to tell her happy birthday. That was the first form of "contact" we've had, but now it's almost March and we haven't discussed the kiss. I know she felt something, an I also did, so why not talk about it?

Now, Alissa… I just don't know what to do. Before saying anything else I just want to note that I love her, but not in the way I should. I shouldn't be in a relationship with her when I still might love Summer. 

Finally, writing. The guys and I are writing our new record, Feel. We have most songs finished and they're all great. Matty Mullin's is featuring in one song, Machine Gun Kelly in one called Alone, and Shayley Bourget in another. All the songs are full of meaning and I put my heart into each and every one. We only need one more song, and that's what I'm looking for. I remember writing one a year ago, Sorry, and it was really good. It was probably my favorite that I ever wrote. When I moved back to Oregon I shoved my song book with Sorry in a random box in the basement. I'm looking for it now so it could be on Feel. 

I grabbed one of the cardboard boxes in my way and looked through it. It was mostly full of old beanies, headbands, and shirts I used to wear. I pulled out a red headband and chuckled. I can't believe I ever wore that. I was probably about twenty-three at the time when I wore it too. I bet I looked so dumb. 

I moved the box to look through the one under it. It was a small box full of photos and a couple books. I finished reading the books long ago, but I remember them being really good. I looked at one of the photos. It was one of my sister and me on the beach, probably still teenagers. God, what the hell am I still doing with all this shit? 

I looked through about six more boxes before finding the Harry Potter song book I poured my heart out into a year ago. I flipped to the page and read over it. "I've been thinking lately about you and me, and all the questions left unanswered. How it all could be. And I hope you know you never left my head, and if I ever let you down I'm sorry."

Woah-ohh!
Oh no no no…
Woah-ohh!

I've seen you around here lately. 
You smile brighter than you should. 
And me I've been so lonely,
I'm glad you're doing good. 
Cuz I can't forget the way it used to be,
And if I ever let you down
Well I'm sorry. 

Woah-oh-oh-oh!
No I can't let you…
Go-oh-oh-oh!
And you know that you can…
Take all of me,
I swear I will be
Better than before!
So sing it back,
Woah-oh-oh-oh!
No I can't let you go.

I'm sorry for the things I've done, things I've done. 
I'm sorry for the man I was,
And how I treated you. 
I'm sorry for the things I've done, things I've done. 
I'm sorry for the man I was,
And how I treated you. 

Take me as I am. 
I'll give you my all. 
Baby, you can take me at my word. 

I'll do anything
Just to make this right. 

Take me as I am. 
I won't do you harm. 
Baby, you won't ever be alone. 
I'll do anything if you just give me one more chance. 
Oh, I'll make it right. 

Woah-oh-oh-oh!
No I can't let you…
Go-oh-oh-oh!
And you know that you can…
Take all of me,
I swear I will be
Better than before!
So sing it back,
Woah-oh-oh-oh!
No I can't let you go.

"I've been thinking lately about you and me, and all the questions left unanswered. How it all could be. And I hope you know you never left my head, and if I ever let you down I'm sorry…"

I couldn't stop what I did next. I jogged up the stairs and to the living room. I tossed the book down on the couch as I picked up my phone on the coffee table. I needed to get on a plane to Oregon. I need closure. Or maybe I just need Summer.

----

"This is insane, Kellin!" Beth yelled. Lately her and I have been getting along okay. In two weeks she will be getting married. I'm actually invited to the wedding, and so is Summer and Destery. I could always talk to her then, but I just can't wait. 

"I know it is, but I need to do this," I said into my phone. I looked for the gate I needed to be at and dragged my small, hastily packed suitcase behind me when I found it. 

"Kellin, just promise me you will be home in time to watch Scarlett for the weekend. She missed her dad, you know."

"I know," I mumbled. It doesn't make me particularly happy that I don't get to see her as much as I'd like, especially with tours and little flights to Oregon. 

Once I got off the phone and onto the plane I thought of my plan of attack. When I get there I can take a taxi to a hotel, check in for the night, then head to Summer's house. I guess when I'm at her house I will talk to her about what happened months ago. After our conversation is over I can say goodbye to Summer, Della, and Allix and go back to my hotel. I can leave tomorrow afternoon. 

The people, buildings, and homes looked so small as I looked out my window. It's odd to think that on the landmass below me is Summer, someone who has no idea what I'm going to do in a few hours. I wonder it she will be happy to see me, or if she will be shocked. I know I'm happy to see her and the girls. I could care less for seeing Destery, but why would I even care for seeing him in the first place? He was rather rude to me at Blu's wedding. I don't want to see that guy again. 

Maybe that's how Summer feels about Alissa. Or maybe she doesn't mind Alissa at all. I have this weird gut instinct that Summer isn't completely fond of Alissa even though she doesn't seem to mind her. Though it's bad of me to say, I sort of wish she was jealous. She wouldn't have to be soon enough, that is if things go one of the ways I'm things they might. 

I sighed and leaned back into my seat, trying to get comfortable. It was impossible, but it doesn't hurt to try. I put on my Beats headphones and put my iPod on shuffle. As I listened to Miles Away by Memphis May Fire, the first song to come onto shuffle, I looked at the boy who was sat next to me. I wondered how old he  happens to be, why he's flying to Oregon, and what he was writing in the journal sat in his lap. On one of his wrists, in between old scars, was a tattoo that read out 'Zoey'. Maybe that's his girlfriend. I checked to see if he had a ring on his finger and sure enough, he did. It was a silver band with 'Z & B' engraved on it. Zoey was probably his wife, so his name most likely starts with a B. By now a million questions were running through my head about this stranger. 

What was his name? Bryan, Brice, Beck? Something else?

Why were there scars on his wrists? Self harm? An accident when he was younger? 

Why did B need to go to Oregon? Business? Does he live there? Vacation?

I shook my head and tried to nap. It was hard to ignore my curiosity about the guy beside me, prob all because I felt I knew him from somewhere. In the end I slowly fell into a deep sleep. The last thing I heard, right before I did sleep, eased some of my curiosity. 

The last thing I happened to hear was, "I'm Ben, by the way. Ben Costa…"

----

I knocked on the front door to Summer's home once, not wanting to make too much sound in case the girls were asleep. When I landed in Oregon it was much later than I planned. I went to a hotel, showered, and went to bed. I decided that I would see her around ten in the morning the next day, five hours before my plane back to Michigan. 

I stood still, a grin on my face, and she opened the door. My plan was perfect…

"Kellin, what are you doing here?" Summer gasped. She was clearly surprised, making me silently jump in excitement. I was hoping she would be surprised rather than pissed off that I showed up at her door. 

I smiled at her voice. I've missed it. I've missed her. It's been too long since we've talked, hugged, kissed… I love her lips; they're so plump and look amazing when she wears red lipstick. Red is definitely her color. Right now she had on red lipstick, probably from what she was planning on doing today (she has an interview later today, I saw a post about it on Twitter). I just couldn't help myself when I leaned in… 

I gripped the sides of her face to keep her in place as I let that familiar spark fill me up. From the moment I pressed my lips to hers I knew I had found my closure completely, even though we still need to talk. 

Our lips moved together. I was surprised Summer didn't push me away. She only continued to smear her lipstick onto my own lips in the most romantic way, that is if there is any possible romantic way to do that. If not, then the most unromantic way. It didn't matter much, whether the kiss was romantic or not, because I was only paying attention to Summer. The way she moved her mouth, the way her fingers tangled into my hair, and the way her body pressed against mine. After a second we pulled away to catch our breaths. Our foreheads rested against one another as we held each other close. 

"So," I mumbled against her swollen lips. "We need to talk."

She smirked. "Oh yeah…"

A/N: So I got like 70 comments on the last chapter and I was honestly expecting 20, so I'm really happy to know that at least 70 of you will read book three of my KQ series: Last Hope. On the side is a picture of the new cover for TTIHCTD (top left), TTTWD (top right), and the bottom two are the covers I'm deciding between. Which one do you guys like? Bottom left is 1 and bottom right is 2. Comment and tell me. Also the song on the side isn't Sorry, but Miles Away by MMF. I don't know if any of you noticed but I actually incorporated some of the lyrics from Miles Away into this chapter. 

Anyway the next chapter will be the last, then it's sequel time. I'm really excited for the sequel so I hope you all love it. Also, if a lot of the chapters' songs are by All Time Low I'm sorry (not really). ATL is my favorite band. Oops. :P

~Catt