Baby Mama- JCole (Under Construction)

16- Jay's Life

Jemaine Cole February 25, 2015 The Breakfast Club, 9:00 am

I had to fly out to New york for a few days. There was work to be done. I had interview's I had to do and then I had to spread Dani's ashes. I decided on cremating her and my unborn. Pay tribute to them where dani grew up.
The shit is hitting me a lot harder now that I know she was pregnant. We thought we wouldn't ever have kids that shared DNA with her. NOW that I know it was a posibility...... Im resenting Kai.
"Good morning everybody. This is the breakfast club. Hosted by Me, Dj Envy. Charlamagne tha God, and Angela Yee. Today we have my man J. Cole with us. How you doing man."
"Wassup, Im good." I didnt feel like being filmed but I knew I had too. I put on my fakest smile and fought through.
"How are you really Jay? There is a lot going on in your area." Angela added. She was trying to sound sincere but right now everybody just came off nosy as hell to me.
"Yea, im straight." I took a deep sigh.
"Can we just take a moment to address the stories and rumors going around?" Charlamagne asked. As I looked at him. I noticed this nigga was wearing make-up.
"Go ahead." I shrugged, folding my arms across the table.
"You have been through a lot Jay." Angela started. "So first I want to say sorry for your loss. I know it can't be easy losing your other half."
"Thank you."
"How are you handling it."
I licked my bottom lip and shrugged once again.
"One day at time." They all nodded sympathetically. "I found out she was pregnant. So now it's hitting me real hard. Especially since we thought she couldn't have kids."
"So thats why yall had the surrogate." I nodded.
"Yea."
"The tabloids were saying she was your mistress. And yall were having three ways." Charlamagne added.
"Yea the media always saying crazy shit. Danny couldn't have kids so we hired Kai. End of story."
"So is it true your surrogate killed Dani?" I took another deep sigh and cleared my throat. I was about to spill all of my business to the world. Not like they wont find out anyway.
"Yea."
"What? Why? Was she jealous?" Dj Envy asked.
"Talk about a crazy baby mama." Charlamagne mumbled.
"Nah. It was really self defense. Me and Dani was arguing about something. She came at Kai and cut her arm. From there...... Things spiraled down."
"Is she being charged?"
"We dont know yet. I went ahead and got her the best lawyer I could find."
"Damn. You supportive as hell." Charlamagne chuckled.
"Honestly.... Im just looking out for the best interest of my unborn."
"I respect that." Dj envy said.
"Yea." Angela agreed.
"Thats some crazy shit man." Charlamagne stated.
"It is. But like I said. One day at a time."
"You know I even heard that her boyfriend was willing to take the rap for her." Angela added.
I nodded. "He was. But she wasnt gon let him."
"Thats sweet." Angela cooed.
"Shit..... He better than me." Charlamagne chuckled.
"He a cool dude. He look after her. By all means necessary."
"I see. Wish I had a boyfriend that sweet."
"Too damn sweet. That nigga was in love."
They laughed and joked but all I could give them was a half ass chuckle.
"So does that mean youre taking a break from music to grieve?"
"No. Actually all this shit. Gave me musical inspiration. Im ready to get back in the studio. I took a long enough break. Plus it will help me get some shit off my chest." I explained.
"Well good luck to you."
"Yea man. Hang in there."
***
12:32 am Studio

After talking to them for another hour or so I met one of my old producers at the studio. I had some shit to get off my chest and I thought this was the right way to get it off.
"Start the beat again." I mumbled pulling one of the earphones off of my left ear.
James did as I asked And restarted the beat. As soon as it started I counted to ten. Giving myself time to pull up my lyrics on my phone.
"Yea.....
This is for my unborn,
My seed....
Its some trials that it took for you to get here,
And it's some fears that I had before you got here,
Like I wonder if I ever be a good man,
Good enough for you to even call me dad,
A lot of fucked up shit has happened in the past,
And and I want you to know you were never the reason,
And I promise you that even though I never had a pops,
I wont ever walk out like he did." I paused for a second and let the beat roll out. I ran out of lyrics and just decided to improvise.
"To my unborn....
To my seed....
When you get here you'll see,
That your mama will do anything for ya,
What she did in the past was out of love for you,
Dont judge her for anything bad she did,
Sometimes in life we do some crazy shit,
Thats why I need you to understand,
The fear im feeling before you get here.....
My unborn child....." I stopped again and just let the beat take me out. I was out of thought and I felt better.
I took the earphones off of my ear and rested them on the mic.
"Thank you man." I said to James as I walked out of the booth.
"No problem. Ima edit the track and send the final touch over to you." He explained. I nodded. Just as I was about to grab my car keys but my phone began to ring.
I picked it out my pocket and took a look at the name. It read private.
I mentally prepared myself before sliding the green button.
"Hello."
"You are getting a call from. An inmate at a county jail. "Kai Demoney." To decline the call hang up. To block the caller dial zero. To accept the call dial 5." It took a lot out of me to just press 5. I shouldnt even be mad at Kai. But for some reason I cant help that shit.
"Hello." Her soft voice spoke. She made my heart jump just a lil bit. I still have a soft spot for her. But I just aint in a place of forgiveness right now.
"Wassup ma."
"H-how are you?"
"Im good. How about you? And the baby?"
"Im fine. That's actually why I called. I got checked out today and I wanted to let you know they say the baby is healthy. I heard the heart beat..... It was actually really cool."
"Yea?"
"Yea. I sent you a picture of the ultrasound in the mail."
"Thank you. So what you is now?"
"He says im roughly, 8 weeks. Still on the brim of 2 months."
"Oh ok. Sound right."
"Yea." She took a deep sigh and there was a long pause. For a second we just sat listening to eachother breath. That is until she spoke.
"Look.... Jay im sorry about what I said. It was insensitive and heartless. I really am sorry about the baby situation. If I had know that Kaydrian would have had a little brother or si-"
"Kaydrian?"
"Oh.... Yea. My doctor said my stomach is sitting low. And usually that means you're having a boy. And I wanted to name him after my father..... I mean if thats cool with you."
"What if it's a girl?"
"I was thinking Jai or Jaila(Jai-yla)."
"Thats cute."
"Yea." I smiled a little bit. The first time in weeks actually.
"My father was buried today."
"Yea? How you taking it?"
"Im depressed. Which they say is bad for the baby. So im really trying to stay positive. I figured the first step would be to get your forgiveness." I sighed.
"Kai.... I."
"Please. I need to hear it. At least for the baby. I need to know were ok."
I sighed. "We good ma..... I just need some time. Its still fresh."
"Ok." She mumbled. I could hear the disapponitment in her voice.
"Look ma. I gotta go."
"Ok. I love you." That caught me by surprise. She love me? What made her say that? Or even feel that?
"Yea." Before you knew it. I hung up the phone. I was in a panic, hearing her say that. I couldnt lie to her. At this moment I dont feel the same way. And I don't think she do either. She just feel bad.
***
2:30 p.m. Mama house

After leaving the house I went to my mama house. I had to tell her about what happened with Kai.
"You sure you dont love her? The way you talk about it sounds like you do."
"Its too early for all that ma. I only knew her for about 4 months."
"Baby love has no time limit. You can meet a person in one day and love them."
"Ok but still."
"Ok." She said simplying putting up her hands. "Let me ask you something. You love that baby?"
"Of course I do ma."
"Ok and you never met that child a day in your life. But yet you still lovee him or her. Baby is barely the size of my fist."
"Thats different."
"Is it really? I mean she is the one carrying your first child. Despite Danny being pregnant.. You said so yourself. You didnt even think the baby was yours." I sighed deeply. My mama was right. I dont even know why she was defending Kai. She was just mad at her not too long ago. "Be realistic. Thats all im saying son.."
Kai was a beautiful girl but its just so much conflict right there. Too many bad memories.
"Mama!" A female voice screamed. Knocking me out of my thoughts. "Im in the kitchen baby!" She responed.
"You should really stop leaving your door open." The girl fully walked in and it was none other than Kelsey Hiles. My child hood best friend. Talk about somebody who grew up. That ass was sitting up nice in her sundress. She was still as pretty as I remember and her shape was amazing.
"Jermaine is that you?!" She beamed. I smiled a little and stood up. Giving her a hug.
"How you been Kels?"
"Good. How have you been? I havent seen you since you blew up." She pulled back and gave me a smile. Once she seen my half ass smile hers faded. "Im so sorry. That was insensitive. I completely forgot all you have been through lately."
I sighed and shrugged. "You good ma. I aint sweating it. It's life and im working through it."
She smirked and kissed my cheek.
"You've always been so strong." She pulled away and took a seat at the table. I took a seat too. Not even noticing that my mama wasn't in the kitchen anymore.
"So what you do now?"
"I teach a dance class here. Trying to keep the little girls out of these rough streets." I smiled.
"Thats good." I watched her light brown tone as she sat back. Exposing herself to more light.
"Yea. But how's it feel to know youre gonna be a daddy?"
"Good..... Me and Danny had been trying for awhile." I explained.
"So do we have a due date?"
"Yea they said around, november 16."
"Awww. Congrads. Its going to be a beautiful baby. I seen the mom on tv."
"Thank you."
"How is she doing by the way?"
"She good. I spoke to her this morning."
"Thats good. You know I have a 5 year old son."
"Yea?"
She nodded.
"His name is Emmanuel."
"His daddy spanish?"
"Yea..... But hes this idiot drug dealer. I only let Manny see him when im around."
"At least he still get to see him."
"Yea.. He's a good dad though. I just wish he would get his shit together."
"Maybe someday he will."
She sighed. "I doubt it. I wanted to be a family. But he shattered my dreams and started cheating. I got pregnant with Manny and got stuck with him. But eventually I broke lose from him. And Manny was one when I did so."
"Yea you had to do what was right for yall."
She nodded. "I did."
We went silent for a second until eventually she decided to leave. I walked her to the door and hugged her goodbye. I knew I probably wasnt going to see her after that.