The New Boy

Chapter 19

"You love me?" Allison asked quietly, looking down at the floor.

"I know it sounds crazy but do you really think I'd lie about it?" I muttered, standing up and shoving the box back under the bed, "I'm not exactly the kind of guy who falls in love..."

"I assumed that..." she sighed, finally looking up at me, "I just don't understand... Why me"

"That's a difficult question... I mean why wouldn't I? You're smart, funny, and so so beautiful..." I shrugged, "And I guess the fact you were the opposite to Katherine drew me in"

"The opposite?"

"I never really took much interest in other girls, Katherine would tear them up if I did, but when I got away from her and met you... I don't know, you were just so kind, and warm to everyone, you're the kind of girl I would of actually loved... Because I don't think I could love anything when I was with Katherine, I liked her, I liked Derek, I liked parties, I liked drinking, I even liked getting caught, but I never loved any of it. I've never felt like this before... I didn't think I would ever feel it after what I did"

"You didn't love Katherine?"

"No..." I sighed, sitting on the chair at my desk. We sat in absolute silence for at least ten minutes, but it felt more like ten life times. Maybe I should of just forced my dad into letting me leave, or maybe I should of gone without him, could I actually bring myself to leave him? At least if I did I wouldn't have to feel as much guilt as I do normally, but maybe the guilt I get looking at him will be replaced with the guilt of not looking after him. It was like flipping a coin, heads, I leave, loose my dad, forget Dylan and try every second of my life to move on from how I felt about Allison. Tails, I stay, look after my dad, apologise to Dylan and try every second of my life to be the best person for Allison I could be... Both seemed impossible at the present moment.

"Do you ever wish you hadn't met me?" Allison said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I shot her a disturbed glance, like just asking had insulted me deeply. It kinda had hurt a little.

"No" I replied bluntly, "I regret a billion things, being with Katherine, going to all those parties, bullying, drinking, befriending Derek... I regret what I did to my mom, and I'll take all those regrets to my grave. But I will never regret knowing you"

More silence. I couldn't take it. It was the same empty air I used to have when I saw my mom before she killed herself. Before I killed her. I killed my own mother. I'm a monster. I'm a m-monster...

"Scott?... Scott are you okay?" Allison asked, getting up quickly as rushing to my side.

I'm a monster.

I shook my head, "I c-can't breath"

Monster.

Murderer.

"Do you have asthma or something?!"

"N-No" I coughed, as Allison rubbed my chest soothingly.

You're a killer.

You killed your own mother.

"We need an inhaler!" she yelled, trying to look around the room frantically whilst holding me to the chair.

"I don't... I don't have one" I gasped. It felt like my lungs were drowning, my head was spinning and I could barely make out the outline of Allison's panicked face.

"Maybe it's a panic attack?! Are you panicking?!"

"Of course I'm panicking!"

"Well don't!"