Ranterism

Crushes

CRUSHES!

No I am not taking about those fruit juice/Crushed ice crushes. I mean those ‘You are so perfect for me I want to jump on your body’ kind of crush.

Have you ever had them? Of course you do! We all would have had/have these crushes. I am going to rant a few incidents of mine and bore you till you crush yourself. LOL, Pun indeed.

During my early teenage years I used to have a crush that crushed me later on. Looking back at those days I’m like ‘I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM? LIKE OMG WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME?!’

When I first joined college I met a lot of assorted chicks, most of them came from a co-ed institute so joining an only girl’s college was like jail for them. Whenever the word ‘Male’ was used, every hormonal girl’s ears perked up and they rush towards the species as if it is an endangered one.

During college fests so many students from other colleges come and that’s when the chaos begin and dare I say it, the hunt for their prey begins. I am not kidding.

A girl I know went to the saloon so that some random dude gets attracted to her new fruity scent and would consider her as his soul mate and they would mate happily forever later on. Her words not mine.

Yipidi dapidi do…

My friend, let’s call her potato had a massive crush on the guy she met online called tomato,

“Tomato is so hot I can lick him. Tomato’s middle finger is huge so his penis must also be huge. Tomato is the main lead singer in a metal band. Tomato is hot-A-licious. Tomato this tomato that.” Potato used to rant to me 24/7.

One fine day potato made me randomly meet her mom and told her mom that she is going to hang out with me at a nearby mall and surprise, surprise SHE WAS GOING ON A DATE WITH TOMATO AND SHE USED TO ESCAPE FROM HER HOME TO MEET TOMATO. Potato was like ‘You can take an auto and roam in the city then when my date is over you can come back and we will go back home together.’ I was royally pissed and threw colorful words at her then she asked me to stay not because she felt bad but because her date was late so potato didn’t want to wait alone.

1, 2, 3, more than 3 hours passed then her date turned up. Potato started batting her eyes lashes and didn’t even ask him why he was late and we missed ‘Avengers’ movie time slot because tomato came late.

Normally when you have a crush you try to get to know them and establish some grounds right? No. Me tomato and potato had decided to enter a haunted house and these two vegetables started making out in the middle of the haunted place.

I ran away from there then ice-creams for lunch, played in the kid’s corner and took photos with statues but these vegetables didn’t even realize I was missing. I was sitting in dominos having my dinner and I got a call from potato so I told her about my location. *drum rolls* Potato enters followed by tomato along with cabbage and cauliflower.

“I hope you don’t mind I got my friends over” Tomato spoke while I was awkwardly sitting with cheese dripping from my mouth. I just nodded at them and carried on eating.

That day was the most awkward day of my life because after potato’s date got over we met a few common friend’s at the beach and all these horny girls got their ovaries bursted when the saw a group of teenagers/boys/men coming out of the water half naked with water drizzling down their bodies.

“Oh look bubbles” I pointed to those huge bubbles a kid was blowing but my friends paid no heed. They pretended to accidentally cross path with the guys followed by high pitch girl squeaks and giggles.

“Chi, what do these guys think of themselves? Roaming around half naked and over that talking to random girls.” The girl in my group who was the first to run in their spoke to me.

I just pretended to listen to her and my other friends whining about them till it was time to leave. Day’s rolled by and we had some activities/competition going on and we were all excited for it.

Words spread that out of the 7 judges 3 were male species so the girls ran and secured their seats only for those competition where the judge was a male.

My partner left me mid-way and so did most of the girl’s in the competition that was going on in the room because a really young judge had come. Me being the curious cat I am I followed these females to the room that was opposite to the room where our competition was going and, my gosh the judge was sitting on the chair as if he was some kind of a king.

“WOOT, A MALE SPECIES? WHY WASN’T I NFORMED” a voice screamed and the whole hall became silent. The girls next to me scrammed away while I was awkwardly running back with them but I didn’t miss the amused look the judge gave. I was so embarrassed.

Whenever a male judge came to our college the teachers asked us to behave ourselves LOL. Actors, singers, Dancers and so many other kinds of celebs keep coming to our college and our hearts keep thundering when we see them.

I will not talk about my real life crushes here but I will talk about my crushes on celebrities. There was a time I was so obsessed with Salman khan, I used to tell people that Salman is their Jiju. LOL. Now my obsession with him had gone less because I found Nick Bateman <3 HE IS SO EFFING GORGEOUS!

Whenever I see a new post by him I roll around in the bed with stars in my eyes ha-ha and my mom is like ‘why do you keep looking at him?’

I can never forget my first crush, well because he was my first crush LOL. He was not a bad boy/hot/gorgeous/mysterious or anything. He was just an awkward cute nerd who used to be shy around me but then he left the city after his brother got married so they had to relocate.

I haven’t met anyone that would make my feelings go into a catapult of unicorns around us. I used to be a social butterfly but now I reside in the cocoon of bed, pillows and potatoes because interacting with humans in real life scares me. Online you may not be the person you claim to be. You can be bold though you are timid.

If you meet someone who puts you before anyone else and takes care of you DO NOT FUCK IT UP! I am saying this from experience because I don’t have any friends. I consider the people around me as acquaintance only because if I need them, they will not be there for me. Not one of them was there during my dark/light days.

More than a girl I actually pray to get a guy friend don’t ask why. I truly believe a guy and a girl can be friends with the occasional creeping up of doubtful feelings but it would be a beautiful friendship.

If you have a crush, do ask yourself if he/she is worth it and if he/she is the person you were waiting for. Don’t mix a person’s personality with looks as it will lead you to a wrong path. Don’t get obsessive or possessive, develop grounds, respect each other’s choices and give each other spaces to breathe.  If you have some feelings for someone, don’t wait for that person to make a move. Just go and pour up instead of scowling at the person inside your head for not coming and asking you out but at times you may even develop feelings for someone who is taken. Your relation with the said taken person may become toxic so think wisely before you act out in haste.

You may still be in contact with the person but the relationship will no longer be like how it used to be before.

Don’t let your crush, crush you.