Being Pure

Chapter Twenty-Three: Cue the Trumpets

Chapter Twenty-Three: Cue the Trumpets

Addison's POV:

"I told you, she's good as new," Dean says sharply, taking my hand in his and intertwining our fingers. The brothers and I are sitting in the library with a very confused Castiel. He's just finished inspecting me, looking for any sign of mental instability. Even though Dean has reassured everyone I'm perfectly fine, I can't help but feel a little different. It's like I just discovered how dark I can truly get and I'm scared of getting trapped on that path again.

"How did your memories resurface?" Castiel's blue eyes scan my face. I instinctively shrink back into Dean and then curse myself for the movement. I'm not afraid of Cas—Hazel is.

"The trial," I say and hope my voice is as strong as I think it is. "Does that matter?"

"It is curious," answers the angel as he takes a seat opposite me. Cas looks very uncomfortable in the chair, but I don't question it. He's always acted like that. It just occurs to me I don't actually know the angel that well. To me, he's just someone from the Winchesters' past I've been lucky enough to meet.

"Don't be so cryptic," Dean says, narrowing his eyes at the angel. "What does that mean?" Cas sighs and avoids Dean's eyes.

"I assumed they would be triggered by something Addison loves," he says, glancing at me. He doesn't mean...

"You think I enjoy the trials?" I stand up quickly, taking my hand back from Dean. Cas just gives me a look that means the thought has crossed his mind. "No. No, that's not true. You think I want to set Lucifer free?"

"I am not saying that. I simply think we should take into consideration that perhaps your pure side is not as controlled as we thought," Cas says, his voice so matter of fact that I want to punch him. I hadn't even realized I had clenched my fists until Dean places a hand on my arm and I'm forced to relax.

"There's not another reason this could've happened?" I glance over at Sam, surprised he even spoke up. He's been giving us all the silent treatment since I got back and I've just gotten used to forgetting he's even there. "I mean, we watched it happen. She was in a lot of pain. Couldn't it just have been the force of the trial?" Dean makes a sound deep in his throat and I sit back down, taking his hand. We never really talk about the trials and the pain that comes along with them. I know it hurts him as well, and that's why I've avoided the subject every time it comes up. But it's getting hard to avoid a lot of things.

"I suppose," Cas says, his eyes on me. It's like he's trying to judge my reaction to everything so he can piece together what happened himself. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't know how Dean can look him in the eye the way he does. "I still think—"

"Can't we just leave it alone?" Dean asks, cutting his friend off. "Why is it so hard to believe that for once things turned out how we wanted?" From the corner of my eye, I see Sam stiffen at his brother's words. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before looking at Dean.

"I'm good with that," I say, smiling at him. But the smile he gives me in return is a weak one. Shrugging it off, I stand and pull Dean up with me. "We should really get going if we're gonna make to Virginia by morning."

Sam found us a case earlier, but we still haven't left. We'd been waiting on Cas all week to finally clear me for hunting. I've been holed up in the bunker "healing" on Dean's orders while they went out and hunted by themselves. I guess they needed the family bonding time since they still haven't worked through the whole Hazel thing themselves, but I still hate being left behind.