Don't Stop | Michael Clifford

Chapter 73

I don't even realize a tear is going down my cheek until the boiler makes a sound that Maddie's water is warm. When I look at her, I see her looking at me. I wonder how long I had been standing there, starring down at the floor. "El, even I knew that you were going to tell him eventually, and now you've lost him."

"It's not about that, Mads," I tell her, wiping the tear from my cheek. "Maybe I would've told him eventually, but that would be years into the future. It was about him not being able to put it aside. I need someone who can just put that aside, and he clearly can't. Apparently he didn't love me enough to put it aside."

"Maybe he thought you didn't love him enough to tell him." I felt a lump in my throat.

"I did, and I was close to yelling after him to tell him, like I did when I first told him I loved him. I know it turned out great at that time, but back then it was about that I loved him enough to put aside the fact that I was terrified of love, and this time it's about if he loves me enough to not care about a little detail in my past."

"A little detail, this is your family we're talking about!" Maddie argues.

"Still, it's in the past, and you know how I don't want to talk about it. I do love Michael, and I feel like telling him everything to get him back, but I don't want to tell him. And I am not telling him until I want to. I just wanted him to show me that he could put it aside until the day I want to tell him. That could've been in a year or two, or it could've been never, and I just needed him to show me that he loved me enough to be okay with that. I know it sounds stupid and you have to be willing to give up some things you don't want to, both secrets and objects, but this is one I have to have as an exception. He couldn't accept that he might never find out, and I have to respect that." It's quiet again, both of us then sighing deeply in union, making both of us laugh a bit.

"I get what you're saying, I really do. I just wish you wouldn't be so stubborn about it."

"Hey, you have your stubbornness at some points, but this is the place where I've put my foot down with three tons, glue and nails and everything. It's not going anywhere."

"Unless you decide to take off the shoe."

"It's a diamond shoe, I'm keeping that baby," I laugh a bit, winking at her. She laughs, walking over to pull me in for a hug.

"But do you think that you'll one day at least be able to be in the same room as him? I mean," she says pulling away. "Luke can't exactly stop seeing his bandmate, and I'm certainly not going to stop seeing my best friend."

"Give it time, and I'm sure we'll both come around. Or else, you'll need two separate parties."

"I am not Rachel, and you guys are not my parents. I'm not going to hold two separate parties just so you can avoid an awkward encounter." I laugh, rolling my eyes. "Plus, if Luke and I ever get married, how do you suppose we hold two separate parties for that?" I can't help but laugh.

"I'll come around, I'm sure," I say as assuring as I can. "But I can't exactly speak for Michael."

Later, we went out. The clouds had disappeared, making it brighter and a bit warmer, although it was still a bit chilly. I had already pulled my jacket closer around me, while Maddie still had her jacket open, her baby bump hidden under the oversized hoodie she was wearing. "Aren't you cold?" I ask her.

"Nah, not really. I have something extra to keep my heat now, plus, I'm actually hot all the time," she tells me. "Alright, so I want to do something that I haven't done since I was 17," Maddie then says, smiling widely.