decisions | a Deamus fanfic

My Worst Desicion

I'm Seamus Finnagan age 16, brown haired about 5'1, Irish and gay, not that any of that matters. This year I decided to return back to Hogwarts (stupid mistake ). It's not like I make any good decisions any more, I only returned because my best friend Dean asked me to. Dean and I go way back he was the first I met on platform 9 3\4, he's a great friend and he thinks of me as a great friend and nothing more, but I...I love him. Last year he asked me if he should as Ginny Weasley out, me being the pushover I am, told him to go for it. They're currently dating, they obviously make each other happy.

Most of the time.....

This summer Dean wrote me about 30 times crying about how Ginny and him fought, the fights were always about stupid shit, but I couldn't tell him that, they meant much more to him, when they got into arguments it tore him apart. I couldn't stand hearing about him cry over a girl he was in love with when I was clearly in love with him. It got so bad that Dean started losing sleep over her.

Maybe if he knew how many sleepless nights I went through thinking of him....

Not that Dean would even care.

I'm currently boarding the train to Hogwarts. I took in a deep breath of air hinted with pollution. ah wonderful. As soon as I sat down a glimpse of red hair and dark brown hair came parading down the hallway, I tensed up it was Ginny and Dean. Who wouldn't go for Ginny she's beautiful (well not Dean beautiful but whatever) she's a great chaser for the quiddtich team, she has a great personality and she wouldn't hurt a fly. I get why Dean chose her. Even if dean was gay, and let me emphasize If, he still wouldn't go for me, because no one likes a poor little Irish boy who sets shit on fire, and hates himself.

"Alright, ok, whatever fine, see you later." Ginny said in a very annoyed voice but she tried to hide it. Dean sighed and I sulked in my seat. "Ginny I never-" He tried to plead but Ginny just cut him off." Dean stop I'll see you later." She says softly. Dean tried to kiss her but she pulled away all too quickly, I could tell he didn't sleep, there were bags under his eyes. He walked into the compartment with his head down low.........he was crying.

"Dean, man you okay?" I ask leaning over to touch his arm but quickly pulled it back. What the hell was I thinking? He loved Ginny. He raised his head slightly and sniffed. "N-no, I didn't defend her when, M-Malfoy said something an now she's all upset." He said clearly tying to force every word out of his mouth like every time he said something he got shocked. It pained me to see him like this, she didn't deserve him. He needs better, but it's not like I'm better than Ginny, in fact I'm worse. I sighed and hand him a tissue from my bag. "I know love sucks." I said hoping he didn't realize I was referring to both of us.

He looked up and looked me straight in my eyes, my dry pale blue eyes looking into his tear glossed brown ones. "Seamus..?" He asked, I perked up a little, maybe he did love me too. "Yea?" I answered a little bit faster than I should've, who could blame me? My heart was beating so fast I was scared Dean could hear it. He bit his lip for a second then answered, "I'm just really glad, I have a friend like you, that is just there for me, and I couldn't be more thankful that I met you." He gave me a fake smile, I know fake smiles all too well, because I use them all the time when he talks about how great things are going with Ginny.

I return his...

I answer cheerfully, " Yes of course, anytime Dean, I'm always happy to help." He leans over and gives me a friendly hug, I embrace him back, I take inn everything tat as happened from 6 years ago to this very hug we are sharing now.

We got out luggage and got of the train. Dean stayed back, as I went on to go to the carridges as I was about to get on he grabbed my hand and sent sparks flying through my body. "Seamus?" He whispered. I nodded showing that I heard him. "Will you go on one of these with me? Ginny's not here so.." He said softly. I almost told him no, God it hurt being the second choice, but of course I'm a giant push over so I nodded and started to get onto the cart attached to the Thestral.

Dean kept hold of my hand.

He gave me a real smile this time and helped me on to the cart. Maybe this Ginny relationship type thing, was just for show, maybe he was Gay too, and he didn't know that I was. Maybe...just maybe...he's just scared of rejection just like me. In this moment I hoped that he could read my thoughts. In my mind I was screaming all the things I wouldn't dare say out loud. "Dean! Notice me! It's ok if you're scared to tell me you love me! I won't reject you! I love you too! Please just...notice.........me." I think, praying I didn't say any of this out loud. I return his smile with a real one too.

He was just about to get on with me before he stopped and started to say something. "Seamus, can I ask y-" He was cut off by a sharp girly voice. God dammit Ginny. She ran over here and I got off the cart. She jumped on Dean and game him a large hug. "Dan, I'm sorry." She said softly. He nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist, and her arms around his neck. My stomach tied into knots and I wanted to vomit, this is worse than watching him cry. She brings him down to her level and she kisses him, after a long while he kisses her back. "I-I'm gonna g-go." I stuttered trying to hold back tears. Dean turns around and nods then goes back to snog Ginny without giving me another thought.

After I reached Hogwarts I got off the cart, and thanked a teacher for taking my luggage, and ran inside Hogwarts. There would be no, back to school feast for me tonight, I get the common room password from a prefect and I ran to the common room and ran up to the boys dorm, pick a bed, and dramatically fling myself on it, and cry. Why did I tell him to go for her, why did I return to Hogwarts at his wishes? Why did I have to fall in love with him? Why did I have to make the worst decision of my life?

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A/N - Hi!, this is my Harry Potter Deamus fanfiction, this fanfiction will be dealing with some very heavy topics so please read at your own risk, please leave feedback in the comments! Thanks for reading! And I hope yp