Cross My Heart

Chapter 50

GWEN'S POV:

"I won't reassure you and tell you it's gonna be fine babe...I won't. Because I don't know how it will go. But I will reassure you that if it doesn't go well, you don't lose anything. You can't lose what you never had, right? And you don't need someone if they don't want you. But if it goes well, then....great!" Gavin gave me a pep talk before we left for the concert venue. "At least, you'll get to meet your father. Whether good or bad, you get to meet him. At least once, right? That curiosity will be gone. Tonight. You'll never have to wonder again after tonight. And that's gotta count for something."

"I know. Thank you Gavin. You're always good at giving me new ways to look at things, that I never would have thought of myself. Not having to wonder anymore after tonight....that's worth it right there, even if he hates me", I pointed out Gavin's good point.

"He won't HATE you, Gwen. Maybe not accept the idea of having a kid.....but he won't HATE you", Gavin reminded me as we walked down the stairs and to the car.
"I know..." I said, frustrated. "I'm just.....so scared."

"I'll be right with you. I won't leave your side. Unless you tell me to, babe. And if I have to punch him out, I'll do that, too", Gavin informed me. He was truly my savior in life.

We got to the venue sort of late, and found our seats in the back. The owner had given Gavin two free tickets, and two all access passes. He told us he'd check with Jude first before we used our passes, and he'd let us know if we should go backstage or not. He didn't want to invade the band's privacy at all obviously. Just because the owner knew people, didn't mean the band wanted those people walking around back there.

I barely made it to my seat, when I stopped, concentrating on the guy singing on stage. He was running around across the stage and back, and rocking out. Singing near the guitarists, nodding to the drummer, doing all the stage stuff bands do. Stuff I'd seen on Tv.

Gavin had to push me to get me moving again.
That guy on stage was my father. I was in the same room as my father, for the first time in my life.
He was RIGHT. THERE.

My mum had wished me lots of luck when I'd seen her at lunch the other day. She was very worried for me, though. She said she didn't have much faith that he'd be any different, or want to get to know me. She said she didn't want to be a downer, but...this was her honest opinion and she didn't want me to get my hopes up and have them knocked to pieces. Just like a typical mum. She didn't want me getting hurt. But since I was going to try anyway, she was at least trying to make it easier if she was right.

Gavin kept checking me, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, throughout the show. He'd stare at me from the side, until he noticed no signs of stress, then he'd turn back to the show again, only to check on me again if I moved a muscle.
I finally laughed at him and told him I was fine. And he stopped checking as much. But he still checked. He loves me.   :)

Finally the show was over, and I watched my father wave and leave the stage. NOW I was nervous.
Gavin guided me to the owner, and he brought us semi back stage to wait while he went the rest of the way to tell Jude he had a "special guest" of the non famous type, that needed to see him, if he would accept"...or something like that. I was too nervous to take in what he told us he'd say to Jude.

Gavin wrapped his arms around me, and swallowed me in a hug as we stood there waiting. I didn't want to sit. I couldn't. I was too nervous. I wanted to pace, but Gavin had me trapped.
I finally couldn't take it, and told Gavin I needed to walk around. He let me go with a kiss on the head, and I started pacing, taking deep breaths.
Gavin sat and watched me.

Finally the owner, Joe, came back and told us we were good to go, but just to give it a half hour, so the band could rest and shower and get a bite to eat back there first.
I was relieved that we'd be going, but now I had to be nervous for another HALF HOUR!
I couldn't take much more. The more time it took, the more nervous I became.