Cross My Heart

Chapter 13

Publishing spree today. Cause I can. Cause the entire story is sitting here, waiting to be published. Doing it slowly like this is NOT attracting any more readers than publishing it all at once like I usually do. Meh. Bummer. 

Anyway, here ya go. I'll see how many chapters I feel like publishing today before I need a nap. Heh. (I edit them one final time, so it takes a while to publish each chapter.)

Oh, and this chapter is WAY long. Over 10,000 words. 



Gwen's POV:
 

I heard noises. Sizzling. Tapping. Knocking. bubbling. And then, all too soon, my memory came back and reality hit me.

I didn't die.

I was still here. By the way my pains were starting to register in my brain, I was injured just about everywhere. And I couldn't open my eyes much at all. I tasted fresh blood and also felt dried crusty blood on my lips and in my mouth. My nose was wet, with probably blood. I lifted my hand, and felt my head, because my scalp burned. My hair was dry. Wasn't I wet before? I was in the shower.....?
I tried to move, and I realized from the searing shooting burning sensation below me, that I was laying on top of my arm. And my arm would NOT move. My memory brought up the cause of that. Right.
From what I could tell, I was on the floor of the kitchen. I could feel that I had shorts and a tank top on. And I could feel that my flip flops were duct taped to my feet. Well, I couldn't really feel one of my feet that well.....oh SHIT. The bone. My leg bone was broken. Right. I remember that too.

I used my good arm and all the strength I could muster, to sit up. It took a little bit, and I was just a constant pathetic, whimpering mess, with all the pains searing through me on every part of my body.
My ass hurt too. My vagina hurt. My stomach was killing me. I think if I listed the body parts that didn't hurt, it'd be easier.
I looked around as best as I could. My head hurt and my neck hurt. I was really really dizzy, since I'd moved my head.
I was nauseous, too. I reached up and found a towel rack to hold on to and try to pull myself up.
I managed, somehow. I didn't know how. I just knew I couldn't sit on the floor all day. I had to find a knife.

I needed to finish the job and finally die.

I stood on one foot, holding myself up with one arm, and it felt like I was swirling around, but I think I was standing still. I managed to open one eye a little more, and looked around. I saw all the girls cooking. But they were also each looking at me, with that familiar look of pity. Some had tears in their eyes as they cooked.
I dragged myself along the counters and stoves and benches hopping on one foot, holding myself with one hand while my one arm just dangled and dragged, until I got to the silverware bins.
I threw my hand in, and felt around, because I didn't have the energy to see straight at the moment. My vision kept going in and out. Blurry then clear. Dark then light. 
I felt around and finally I located a steak knife. Yessssss. My brain did a little happy dance inside. But even that made me more dizzy.
I had to act fast, because if any of the girls noticed what I was doing, they'd try and stop me.
I fumbled with the steak knife in my hand. It was poking into my fingers, but I just couldn't get a grip on it right with only one hand, and practically no vision, and the entire room spinning.
I felt so woozy already, from the pain everywhere on my body, and the dizziness was making me nauseous...
I finally got the knife in my grip correctly. Facing me.
That's when I heard the yelling. A few of the girls yelled my name. They talked out of turn. Now they'd get in trouble for me. Shit. I couldn't wait to be gone, so I could stop causing them trouble.
I took a breath, and pulled the knife in towards me, starting at my stomach. It'd be hard, but I was going to pull it upwards, slicing my entire stomach area open, so my guts would pour out and I would bleed out and die in seconds, I hoped.
I couldn't hear the sound of the knife going in with the girls yelling to me, but I sure felt it. It hurt bad, but it actually wasn't as bad as other pains I've felt in the past day.
My hand started shaking once the knife was in, and I was trying to pull it upwards, but I just couldn't. I was too weak. Dammit!!!
And then I felt hands all over me, grabbing me, and someone pulled the knife out of my stomach. My hand started jerking, then up in to my arm, like I was having a seizure, only I was conscious. From there, everything went black again from the pain.
This time, I managed to picture Gavin for my last thought. I was happy for that. I pictured his smile, and heard his laugh echoing in my head as I sank into the welcomed darkness.......I might have even smiled. It felt like I did. I couldn't tell.