Cross My Heart

Chapter 17

Just tryin'a squeeze in at least one more published chapter tonight.......



GWEN'S POV:

I was so tired. So absolutely exhausted, as Gavin leaned over me and gave my cheek a kiss. When he walked out of the room, I could hear him stop at the door for a second. I wanted to look at him, but I just didn't have it in me. As he finally walked out the door, I could still feel the burning sensation in my cheek where his lips had touched my skin. Touching him, or him touching me....always made me feel so wonderful. And it still did. It made me glad this entire day, of his face leaning on my head, him stroking my hand, his fingers between mine earlier....all those touches he gave me made me glad that I was still alive right now.
I had wanted to die, but I was so glad I didn't now.

I couldn't believe everything the doctors told me when I woke up. I was sad to see that Gavin wasn't around, though. I thought he would be. I had felt his presence around me a lot, so it didn't make sense that he wasn't there when I opened my eyes, and there were a bunch of strange men and women around me. My first thought was bad. I started panicking when I first woke up yesterday. I saw men in front of me, so I thought I'd have to have sex with them. And I just couldn't move my body yet. I was so groggy. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know what was happening. I didn't even know if I was alive or dead. But seeing men there....I started to freak, with whatever energy my panic could muster.
They all told me I'd be ok, and I was safe. One nurse sort of realized why I was freaking out, I think. She told me "Don't worry....these men are here to help you. Not hurt you."
That helped me start calming down. And I think I fell instantly back to sleep after that.

Later, I opened my eyes again, and there were only nurses around me. Good.
They asked me questions, and wrote stuff down on clipboards. They poked me on different parts of my body, and asked if I could feel it. They moved my arms and legs around and asked if it hurt. They pressed into my belly to see how that felt. They looked into my eyes with little flashlights. They poked and prodded me for quite a while, but they kept reassuring me I was fine and safe. They told me I was in the hospital, and the bad people were dead.
I was glad. So fucking glad to hear that the boss and Gus were dead. But for some reason I felt panicked again. Like, they were the only ones I had to take care of me, so.....what would happen to me now, without them around? Not that they CARED for me, I know that. But...this was it. My life was changed now. I had no cot. No pair of flip flops. No clothes. No food.......
But hopefully now, I'd also have no BEATINGS. No SEX. No horrible, mean MEN....

This time I finally had the energy and clear thought to ask about Gavin.
One of the nurses said he'd been here the entire time I was here, and he'd be back tomorrow, because they needed me to rest today, so he couldn't come today.
I was mad at them. How dare they tell Gavin he couldn't come here?
Didn't they know how much he helped me? Didn't they know how he made my long sleep more bearable? Instead of being stuck in my own "place", I had someone there with me sometimes. And it made me feel safe. It made me feel secure. If Gavin was here with me, nothing bad would happen to me. He wouldn't let it.
I started to remember flashes of the last thing I remembered before waking up here.
I remembered being beaten, thrown down the steps, double r&ped, I remember pain in my leg. I remember my arm not working. I remember my head being cloudy and fuzzy, and my entire world being dizzy. I remember....oh shit. I remember stabbing myself.....
I remember Gavin being in my sex room. Him carrying me, and the pain from him doing that......the fucking pain.....I was screaming inside my head, but I couldn't scream out loud. I wanted him to put me down. It hurt too much to move. And then things kept going black. And I remember flinching when I saw a mattress come up over my head. I still didn't understand why. Did Gavin do that? I remember feeling Gavin holding me, and even though I opened my eyes, everything was dark. I thought I was blind. I remember Gavin humming to me......
I remember feeling a terrible, awful stinging sharp pain in my back. It felt like someone stabbed me with a poker or something. It hurt so bad.....and I just don't remember anything after that.
I have a quick flash of lights over me, people around me. And I was asking for Gavin. Well, trying to ask for Gavin. I could barely say his name. Where was he? I'd thought he was with me...how could he let bad things happen to me?