A Different Kind of Education

Chapter Seventeen : Talks Tears And Silence

"Hey." I say, staring into Jay's intense dark eyes.

He doesn't respond for a moment as shock settles on his face but then he just walks up to me and kisses me with so much love and passion that my body does the only thing I can think of, shove him the fuck away. I can see the hurt in his eyes clearly, but I knew that I couldn't let him kiss me like that when I had to tell him I had slept with his brother. Even though a huge part of me just wanted to take him in my arms and forget what had happened with Matt forever, I knew that was stupid fantasy. Jay stood up slowly, his eyes never leaving my face, which I'm sure wore a pained expression.

"You left school early." He states, not really meeting my eyes but watching every move I made.

"Yeah." I reply.

"Why?"

"There was something I had to take care of."

"Which ended you here?"

"Yep."

"Why." It's not even a question. It's a statement.

"Because Kent showed me something that resulted in me beating the crap out of Chasity." I told him, watching how his face scrunches up in confusion. I know what I'm about to say is not graceful or smooth, but I need to let it out and I'm not one for sugarcoating things. "She has a video of me kissing Matt, right after I slept with him."

I am pretty sure I died inside as I watched his whole face crumble and his body slump onto the nearest couch.

"You...w-what?"

"I slept with Matt, over Winter Break. That's why I left." I make my voice monotone, knowing that if I let emotion into me right now I'd break.

"But-but...when?"

"After you left for the store. To give me space." I flinch as his head snaps up and he stares at me. "I was upstairs crying and he was there - "

"What and he just happened to comfort you in his strong arms?" He says in a cold tone. I don't take it personally because I know he's just in pain.

"No. I tried to leave - "

He interrupts me again.

"How come? You could have gotten all the sex I wouldn't give you, but then again I guess you did. You just had to play hard to get first." Jay's tone cuts deep, though I fight hard to not let it show. Instead, I fight fire with fire since I'm aware it's the only way I'll get to say what I need to.

"Yeah I guess and that wasn't the first time." I practically snarl, successfully shutting him up as he simply stares wide eyed at me. "Two and a half months ago, your brother and I ... fooled around when you were with your father. It was wrong and I worked so hard to separate myself from that situation because I love you, though I know you'll never believe me. Then we got into that argument over break and he tried to bring up what happened but I told him no as much as my sick self let me, but then he spoke words of sweet nothings and I gave in. I gave in to the worst moment of my life because I love you so much, but I'd be lying if I said it was just sex. So I'm sorry, yet at the same time I'm not." I say, tears falling freely down both Jay and my eyes.

"You need a damsel to save and protect, but that's not me. I guess I wanted it to be, but it's not. I used to think you were the only person aside from my brother who knew the true me, but I was wrong to a certain extent. You knew the me who had issues and lived a double kind of life. The me who needed saving from myself and a snap out of whatever the hell I was doing. And you did help save me from myself by initially making me stop my fooling around ways, but when it came to really helping me, that's not something you did. You didn't stop me from partying and continuing to live a life that wasn't true to who I was. No, you just continued to live it with me. We are so alike and that's our issue. I don't need someone who is going to fuel my lies, despite how much he may love and care about the real me that he's been able  to see."