A Different Kind of Education

Chapter Twenty - Eight : Denial

The next day at school is everything I expect it to be and that is why I feel the sudden need to leave in the middle of the day. All through the morning my peers have been staring and whispering about me, something they haven't done since Justin and I had started dating. I forgot just how strange the feeling was and I honestly hate it. Justin wasn't around in the morning but when lunch comes he is there, sitting with none other than Kent. My stomach plummets at the sight and I almost turn around to go eat out. The only thing that stops me is a hand on my lower back, propelling me forward to my usual table. When I get there I turn to see who's hand is on me and see Drew, staring at me kindly as Jay stands next to him guardedly. At the sight of Jay I nearly drag my hand across his face.

"Well excuse you, the hell do you want?" I ask.

"To be a support system." Drew immediately answers just as Clara and Tommy reach the table.

"I have enough support already, so you can leave."

My tone is harsh and I direct my words to Jay, who refuses to make eye contact. Drew casts Tommy a 'help me out' look, to which Tommy gives him the finger. Last night I had had a lot of explaining to do when he and Clara showed up at my house, scolding me about the picture so I had caught them up on everything, including Jay's words. It is safe to say that neither of them were very ecstatic about everything - well mainly Clara. I found out last night, after Clara had gone home, that Tommy did find some logic in Jay's words, but after I said, in a very elaborate way, that he had to support me in this situation no matter what, he conceded.

Now thanks to that he agreed to keep his mouth shut about the subject and to just back me up. Clara makes it a point to glare at Jay as she sits down next to me. Drew, like the stubborn bastard he is, takes a seat across from me so that I can see his grinning face. I fight the urge to kick him from under the table as I glare at him. Jay settles in the seat between Tommy and Drew. Though I can say many things abut his sudden insistence in sitting with me for 'support,' I ignore Jay and eat my food, aware that everyone was talking about us.

Halfway through the lunch period I dared to glance over at where Justin and Kent sit, laughing together about something. My stomach feels queasy as I watch the interaction between my best friend and arch nemesis and I want to dart out of the cafeteria once more. Clara's heated voice is the only reason I don't run and therefore simply focus on my little group.

"That disloyal prick." Clara practically snarls in Justin's direction. I can't help but smile at her affectionately and think, man my best friend is the fucking best.

"I can't really blame him." I admit with a sigh, "He and I were dating and I kissed this idiot."

Jay gives me a flat look, seemingly unaffected by the verbal insult. Yesterday's interaction in his room comes to mind and my body flushes.

"So? You were hammered." Clara defends, "And he was perfectly fine with you seeing Matt at the same time."

"Yeah but that's what he signed up for. Not for my ex to still be in the mix."

I don't think about the true weight of my words until I notice the way Jay's expression is hopeful for a split second. Man, I really need to work on how I word my sentences these days.

"Doesn't matter. He knows how much Kent has tried to screw you over."

"I know."

I'm defeated as I openly stare at Justin and Kent, who were now flirting with a few of the cheerleaders. One of the cheerleaders who rests her hand casually on Justin's forearm, saw me staring and instantly pulls away from him, looking ashamed - and slightly terrified. This causes Justin to look in my direction to figure out why he lost her attention and locks gazes with me. The intense gut wrenching feeling I get as he and I maintain eye contact does me in.I quickly rise out of my seat and make my way out of the cafeteria,down the school hallway, and out the back doors to the open football field where I finally collapse on my back.