Perserverance (Discontinued)

Forever is a very long time

She laughed and put her head to rest on his shoulder again, "I've been dreaming about this moment forever." A tear strolls down her face, but finally one of joy.

He kisses her cheek.

She slides her fingers in between his.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't know how. I was just afraid."

Suddenly, Alice remembered something. She grabbed a crumpled note from her pocket and handed it to him. "I wrote this last night. I was going to leave in your locker as one last note. I still want you to read it."

He opened it slowly and unfolded a six page thick document. He looked at her with confusion, and she gave him the Nike look.

He read it aloud.

"Lucas, I want to start off with the fact that this will be my final letter, and before you freak out and crumple it up, i really suggest you hear me out. I know that was super creepy, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I didn't know what else to do. First of all, I meant everything I said in the first letter. Unfortunately, it wasn't a joke. I wasn't pranking you, although I was planning on going with that story, but I realized I couldn't do this anymore. I had to confront you. I know all of the things I'm about to say are going to sound really pathetic, and you're going to be annoyed and want to trash this after every sentence, but please don't. This is really, really hard for me to write, and I feel like I'm going to cry, and I don't know why I'm doing this, but since i'm taking this risk, you owe it to me to hear my whole, agonizingly boring story. By a long time, I mean since like fifth grade. I've actually told you about it multiple times, but every time it ended badly. BADLY. Once you tried to be overly mean to me to get me to not like you anymore, FYI feelings don't work that way. So, since I can't deal with you being super different around me, I lie about it and tell you I don't anymore so you'll start acting like yourself again. This made it seem, to you, like it was off and on - it wasn't. I've been trying to drown this AWFUL infatuation for as long as I can remember, but it just doesn't work, and it REALLY sucks. It's as annoying for me as it is for you, okay? Do you know how much that it bothers me? You don't know what I go through. I'm wasting my time on you, when I know it's never going to work out, but I just can't let it go for whatever STUPID reason. And you treating me like crap does NOT help. The worst feeling was when you told keith, who happened to pass it along, that you said you would "never like me ever, and I was just wasting my time." And I respect you for being honest about it, but I cried for two hours. It's not my fault, but it's just the way it is. And speaking of keith! I feel things for these people and I follow that feeling and end up in relationships; making promises I can't keep. I wasn't "playing" your best friend, sir, I truly felt something for him, but like I said, no matter how many cynder blocks I tie to it, the feeling always resufaces. It's not your fault, and I don't hold anything againt you for it, but it always ruins everything. I dated keith, but then I still liked you, and so every kiss (there was only 1 but) every time I held his hand, it would come back to you, and I couldn't do that to him. This probably made you mad, and I get it, I do, but I did the right thing by breaking up with him. I kept trying to make it work with him, but there was still you in the back of my mind, and I gave up on that. These times I tried to make it work were mistakes, and I shouldn't have done it. I also should never have been so awful to him for it, and we have already worked past it, but I don't ever expect you to forgive me because it was awful and he didn't deserve it. I know I kept lying, but that was obviously just because I hoped in the bottom of my heart that you would believe me and love me and i would finally be happy, but I was being stupid, and I finally admit that I did try to use black magic I found on google to kill keith. I want to be clear, I would NEVER do that now, to him or anyone, and I was STUPID and i know that, and I'm not appologizing so that you'll like me I know you won't, but I just had to come clean, although I know you know, already. There was also the time I pretended Meghan liked you so that you didn't know it was me I was talking about with Josiah, and I was awful. I guess at the time I was just willing to do anything, even if that meant betraying my friends, the people who actually cared about me, and that was the worst mistake I could have ever made. I should appologize to them, and not to you, but first things first. That brings us to trent. He asked me out, not vise versa, but I guess that doesn't really matter. Yes, I agreed to date him because I really did like him, but we talked about it just as I finally did with keith, and he understood. We are still friends, and we talk everyday. He's really great, but for some dumb reason, I want to date you, and only you, and I've ruined several lives for no reason because of that. I guess it seems like I just play your friends, and that I would do it to you, but the thing is, I really wouldn't. I wouldn't, because the reason I do it, is because of you. I've finally accepted how terrible I've been, and I can't deny it any more. I just have to face how awful I am, whether that be why you don't like me or not, and whether or not this means anything to you, I have to do it anyway because it's the right thing to do. But as I was saying, I've liked you for a long time, and because I knew I would never have that chance to experience it for myself, I had written about the situation from a standpoint that you did like me. That's a major part of Alice, also being one of the many reasons I didn't want you to read it. It wasn't all it was about, or the sequel perserverance, but it was there and I didn't want you to know, so I guess you were right to be suspicious. I give you permission to read them if you care enough, since I'm coming clean, but they're also just about my life and I do vent a lot but you wouldn't understand because you're not me. But finish reading this first. If you really haven't figured it out by now, you were right all along, Lydia wrote these. I know, I'm a terrible actress. I wasn't planning on getting anything out of it, I just wanted to because I didn't know how else to do it. I would never say it to your face, I'd probably cry. I can't tell you how many times I've just been obsessive and it adds on to all my other problems. I don't want to complain, so I'm not going to, but my life really isn't easy, and I'm just good at making it seem like it is. By the way, the bus stops almost right in front of my house. I acted like I had to walk because I'm embarrsed. I almost never can have people come over because it's so awful. That's not the bad part, but since I was coming clean for everything, it's not the house right where it stops, but if you see the gross old trailer right next to it with the silver jeep in the front, that's my house. It's worse on the inside, but that's another story, and it's not my fault, i actually try to have decency! Anyway, my life is really complicated and stressful as it is, and having to think about you all the time is just annoying because I have bigger problems than my patheticness. I always have these instincts to hug you and to touch your hand and just to be with you but I never do because you'd probably cut my throat and make me give you 50000 couches so i have to control myself. (Which isn't as easy as it looks, but you wouldn't understand that because I'm stupid) I don't really know why I'm writing this, or if you'll ever be the same to me again, *Actually starts crying*, but i guess it doesn't really matter because I couldn't sit and think about this alone in the dark anymore I just, mostly because I just wanted to start over and be honest with you, but theres always that .000001% chance of hope that thinks, "Well, maybe he'll think it's cute and he'll finally like me-" but i never expect that because in reality "you'd probably cut my throat and make me give you 50000 couches." But that's the thing. Hope is that thing that keeps me going. When reality beats me down, I think, "there's always tomorrow." I had all these suicide notes with thoughtful things inside of them and pages for everyone, but then yours, I had so much to say to you, well I still HAVE so much but this is getting really long so I'm going to stop soon, but I couldn't think of what to say so I just said what i basically said in the first letter. That's not how I can go out of this world on, I'm more than just a stupid fangirl! If you can't see past that, then you're the stupid one, and if you won't talk to me after this, then maybe we aren't meant to be friends because i'm done just lying to make people happy. Addison has all of these. She was going to give them out if I ever suceeded in killing myself. I want to talk to you about all of this, but I don't think I can handle it. I just want someone to hug me and tell me to stop being so stupid. I don't know if you have anything to say after this, but just say it now, and not to keith, or jeremys ghost, or even bella i don't know why you would tell her but if you did not bella, to my face. Just say it. Say whatever you have to say so I can get over this and move on with my life. So I'll just say it, Yes. I like you. I like you a lot, and I have for a long time. I've done a lot of STUPID STUPID stuff because of that, that's made me a terrible person, but instead of hiding in shame, I'm admiting it. But I've cleared my slate. I just wish I could have a chance to start over, and win you over myself with all my....nothing i don't really see why anyone would like me at all but if they did, with that with whatever that is, and not with black magic or peer pressure. I realize how awful I'm been and I don't think I ever will, ^ but if I do, I want it to be for that and not for something like that, because that stuff wasn't worth it. I guess you could say I surrender, I give up. I still like you, but I'm done fighting for this because it's stupid and I'd die if I lost you as my friend. Our friendship is way more important to me. I hope you still talk to me, because I promise I won't ever do anything like that again. I don't really know what else to say, and I'm sorry I've wasted your precious time making you read this. I'm also sorry for ever being really mean and annoying to you but I just pulled a you. I was trying to push you farther away I guess. I was just scared, and I'm sorry - for everything." 

He looked at her with tears in his beautiful puppy eyes.

"I meant every word of it." She said sweetly.

And he kissed her. Right there by the water fountain. She looked into his eyes and it felt like they would just sit there forever.