Perserverance (Discontinued)

Fine

She woke up the next morning,  incredibly tired, but fine. She still wanted to sleep forever, but just in a physical sense. She felt drained, but emotionally, she felt okay. Not great, but alright. She had to get back in the groove. She threw on some old clothes and her worn black boots and ran out to catch the bus. Lucas hadn't ridden in a while. She kind of missed it. Sam was very important to her, so it was nice to get some time to talk to her, but she just wanted to talk to Lucas. Though that was her primary urge, she wasn't sure about what. She wanted to talk to him about everything,  but any time she would start, nothing would come out, so in the end, she never talked about anything. She shut herself down. He probably didn't care, anyway. She sat down in her usual seat and waited for Sam, who boarded shortly. They talked about nothing, and yet it felt like everything to Alice. Sam didn't know yet, and Alice didn't know how to tell her. She absorbed every moment, until she finally spilled to Sam what really happened yesterday. She felt awful, "I said i was excited."

"You didn't know."

"But still," she trailed off.

"Sam it's okay," Alice wiped a tear, "really."

"We've been friends for so long...I care about you. If I knew you were going to do that..Alice."

"Sam, don't worry about it." And they went in to school. She walked in and saw Lucas sitting on the bleachers with Jeremy. Wait, Alice blinked it away. He was sitting alone. It just, looked, for a second...like the way of used to be...

"Hey," she said sitting down with him. She wondered why he hadn't answered her messages.

"Hey," he said twiddling a Canadian quarter in his fingers. Maybe if he had, she wouldn't have done it. She wouldn't be in this dream like state right now. Everything felt like she was drifting through life, she felt like she wasn't truly there - a presence, an external force. but she was there. She looked at his fingers,  his nails were so long. She wished hers looked like that. She kept cutting them back. She looked at his jacket, it was a dark burgundy, with a beige floof on the inside. His hair was sticking up awkwardly  in the back again, but he looked perfect. She just sat there, not talking. Nobody was talking. She waited for Bella, and finally just went to breakfast to get her mind off of things. When she got to breakfast, she explained to her everything that had happened last night, and hoped for a supportive response, but instead Bella just looked at her angrily.

"Alice-"

"Bella I'm fine," she countered.

"Yeah, I know. But it's not always about you."

"What?"

"If you had gone through with it, I would have been devastated. You're selfish."

"Bella, i-"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Bella!"

"WHAT?!" She smashed her muffin into the tray.

"I'm fine..I won't do it again."

Bella scoffed, "you better keep that promise. If you break it, I'll be broken forever." She forced the muffin crumbs into her mouth with a smile.