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Sixteen: Speaking to the Suggs

Caspars POV

Shortly after I arrive outside Zoes house and the first thing I see is my bag, I run over and hold it securely, my laptops inside but hopefully it's not wiped, I wouldn't blame her for destroying it or giving it a virus. Could she have been able to get inside? See my files? It would explain the messages she left, if only I could send one back, I pull out the broken device from my pocket, knowing what ever apology I would type would never be received.

I patiently wait outside of the gates, hoping for a response soon enough so I could prove them all wrong, that what I did was not an a malicious act, but it was forced. Never would I want to hurt Ali intentionally, I care for her too much to see her in a great deal of pain.

The gates began to open and I dashed inside whilst I was given the opportunity to, as I walked towards the door I tried to rack my brain of things I could say, knowing all too well how much hatred they felt for me at this very moment. Maybe I could tell them the full truth? But Alfie would've always had a back up plan in a case of emergency, a way to plant it all onto me, who knew a hook up could be so in depth? What if I tried to tell them how I felt? Would they think about believing it, or would they turn me away?

Whatever thought I was having it stuck in my mind as the door began to open, there stood a very upset Zoe, I had only ever seen her look this distraught once before, and that was during an anxiety attack. She stood there, sniffing and tried to look as superior over me, trying to diminish me, not that I can't blame her for this, I would probably do the same.

Now is your chance Caspar, who knows how long you have to explain yourself to her. "Zoe, can I just say-"

"Zip it Caspar." She grabbed ahold of my shirt and took me upstairs, not daring to turn around and face me even once.

The walk up the stairs felt long, as if these would be my last steps of life before it was truly taken from me, leaving me in a state of purgatory. Zoe finally stopped when we got to a door at what seemed to be the top of the house, she opened it and it revealed Joe sitting there, he didn't even glance up at me, he sat there with his head in his hands and his leg shaking.

"Joe, we need to talk." Zoe said firmly as she roughly let go of my t shirt and stood next to her brother, folding her arms and trying to intimidate me the best she could in her current state. Her eyes were very red and puffy, she had makeup stains down her face and she continuously sniffed yet even now you couldn't deny she has guts.

Joe finally looks up, sensing another presence in the room, he cautiously looked over to me, and very slowly stood up, walking towards me. His eyes were like flames that couldn't be extinguished, fury filled his face. That was when his hand connected to my cheek, leaving a very sharp burning sensation to run through the left side of my face. I wanted to whimper at the pain, but I knew that physical pain he just caused was insignificant to the pain that Alfie and me have caused them.

"You've got ten minutes." Joe stated standing next to Zoe.

"You better start talking." Zoe pulled out her phone and set a timer, placing it on the table in between us, at this point all of my thoughts and devious lies circled my mind, but I knew there was only one way to get out of this safely.

"Everything that has occurred has been happening for the past six months to my knowledge, I was manipulated into doing something I didn't want to do, in doing so Ali suffered the consequences of witnessing what I saw." I began, trying to go into as little depth about the situation as possible.

"What was it that occurred?" Zoe spoke up, lifting her head up to face me.

How could I lie to her now?

"We saw an affair take place, the people involved got me to help them, if I refused they said they would hurt Ali and they knew how." At this moment I took out the broken phone and placed it on the table, the two siblings looked back at each other with concerned expressions written across their faces.

"How did you get this? What did you do?!" Joe raised his voice slightly and Zoe held him back, I began to back away from the table, resuming to my original spot.

"I met with one of the liars, they went after her and did this, they told me I was no longer needed." I said with a sigh. "I don't know if I can still protect Ali anymore." A tear escaped from my eye and rolled down my cheek, I felt the pain as it passed where Joe slapped me, as if it a searing slow punishment.

"Do you really care for her?" Zoe sounded upset, her voice had a hint of hope mixed in with all of the desperation.

Five minutes left.

"If words could describe how much I care for her, she just makes me feel alive in the least cringey and cliche way. When she is around even when she's upset I will put all of my effort into making her smile, her presence just lighten up a room, the way she trusted me so deeply, and how I betrayed her. It breaks me inside, all I want to do is protect her, because- I... truly care for her." More tears began to fall, and my voice cracked as the last few words made their way out.

We stood there in silence for a moment, whilst they processed what I had just said. Two and a half minutes remaining. I've said all I can. Now it's their decision to trust me or not.

"Caspar, we believe you, but for now I think it's best that you go away for a while, go back to London and give us time to process all of this. You have our trust back, but do not betray us again, you will have no idea what your messing with." Joe sternly said making his way towards me, my best friend who is normally cheerful is now unrecognisable for this distorted figure who opens the door, signalling for me to leave.

Neither of them wave or smile, we simply leave it at that, there is a sense of mutual trust between the three of us. My next step now is to get Ali's trust back, if that could be a possibility.

As I step outside of the door I hear the two of them talking about their parents and Ali, about what they can do to help, I walk away before I hear anymore, knowing what my best bet would be, it will just take a bit more time than I expected.

I call for a taxi to come and get me so I can get my stuff and go back home to my apartment, looks like I'll be living in solidarity for a while whist everyone figures everything out. My contacts with Alfie have removed themselves off of my phone, even Alfie's number is gone. Meaning I have no choice but to hope that Ali is safe, as if she gets hurt I know it's all going to be because of me, because I didn't take better care of her when I had the chance.

If only she was here now, sat next to me in this cab, leaning her head on my shoulder, how we perfectly fit together. Her perfume always being subtle, but if I ever smell it around the city she is the first link of association to it. The way her eyes just gleam, how genuinely happy she can be and the highs the has when we're together, if only we could return to that time again.

But we can't.

Not anymore.

She hates me.

But I care for her.

As the driver drops me off and I head back for my room I grab my phone and open up for a new message. One that she won't ever receive but it has to be said. She may never know how I truly feel but if she finds the way and means she will learn the truth one day.

Caspar: I love you.

Hi everyone! It's officially the Christmas holidays so happy holidays!!

Love you all :) xx