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Twenty Two: Plan Z

My hands fiddled with bedding, and then I began to get uncomfortable knowing it wouldn't be long until they get here. I shouldn't feel this nervous, they're family or my supposed family. A part of me wishes I could be like them again, naive. But that's not what my life had planned. My hand reaches for the locket around my neck, stroking the small detailing in attempt to calm myself.

Readjusting myself on my bed yet again I played out various scenarios in my mind of what could happen. That they'll be against the idea I'll suggest to them, or they won't allow me to go through with it for my own sake and safety, but they have to let me try. If they agree with it, which I'm assuming they will since they want me to be happy then I've got two weeks to prepare myself.

"Sup Sali." A familiar voice made me jump and lock my phone, a reflex I've gotten used to doing. There stood Joe, looking rather tired and had messy hair giving me a half smile as he waited in the doorway, as if there was a force stopping him from entering.

"Joe it's not like I have bug you're going to catch, you can come in." I joked to ease the tension but it didn't seem to work. Instead he gave me a sad smile and messed around with his hair, all whilst remaining in the doorway.

"Ali, I don't know where to begin." He struggled to find his wording and it was evident, he refused to make eye contact but didn't move. "After that phone call we got from my a few things happened, and well I think it'll be easier to explain when Zoe gets here." He then stepped into the doorway, but now I felt more anxious that he was hiding something from me. "How do you feel this time?" He sat next to me in a chair already provided, these chairs look as comfortable as my bed does, yet he settles into it knowing he could be here a while.

For a while we just talked about my changes, about how I feel, how I wish I felt or triggers that could set me off. Just little things but avoiding taboo conversations. He looked at the locket around my neck and went to touch it, but I jerked away from him causing him to back off. "Sorry, it's just precious that's all." I apologised and calmed down, I didn't want this to be tainted. This was held in my mothers hands, she ran her fingers over the etches and the photographs and it is for me, I don't want anyone else having the chance to ruin the perfect picture or sense I have with my mother through this locket.

"It's a lovely locket Al, where did you get that from?" All I wanted to do was to open the locket, show him who it's from, but that won't make any form of sense so instead I just shrugged my shoulders and we sat in silence waiting for a nurse or Zoe to arrive.

We could hear a whole load of commotion occurring outside and then a very worn out looking Zoe entered, catching her breath before looking up at me with watery eyes. She ran to be and grabbed ahold of me, refusing to let go. I had no choice but to hug her back, entirely overwhelmed Joe joined in. "It's three of us, or none of us." Zoe mumbled into my hair and I felt her smile.

"Can you tell me what's happened now?" I ask quickly looking at the two of them who both seemed to shy away from my suggestion.

"You won't like the answer so we will ease this onto you." Zoe began knowing that something drastic is not exactly ideal for me right now, which made me even more worried about what is wrong.

"I have something to tell you to." I blurted out, regretting the words as they left my lips. I didn't feel ready to admit to them about my family, but I'll let them explain what is wrong with them first. "Just, just tell me, please?" My voice sounded weak, I was pleading for an explanation to why they both looked a mess, why they were upset.

"They all know Ali." Joe muttered, still avoiding eye contact but I heard every word and froze. My eyes darted to Zoe who had sympathy and regret written across her face.