The Edge of Honour

Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

Gorran's POV:

The doorbell rang just like the previous, day but today I sat unmoving on the edge of my bed. Every shelf was empty except for a few stuffed animals which I felt that I was too old to take, but remained incapable of dumping.

It was so close now. I felt like everything was closing up around me. Worry began to consume my mind, I could no longer concentrate on anything else. My future was now going to be planned out for me and I was uncertain if this was something which I truly wanted. The previous day I had been certain that it was, but as my departure time grew closer, I became worried.

“Gorran, come on,” Mum's voice called up the stairs. I could hear all of them talking directly below me. The kettle whistled like an old fashioned train as it reached its boiling point. Somebody made their way upstairs, their footsteps clattering on the landing.

The sound was so familiar to my ears that I immediately knew them- they were my father’s footsteps. I wondered when I would hear them again.

“Gor, it will be alright,” he cooed as he approached me. I remained with my back to him, I could not bear to look around and see him. Without looking I already knew that his eyes would be filled with worry and fear for me. At the same time, I did not want him to notice the tears that had filled my eyes. He would have hated to see me like this.

Toby had it easy, he could cry about anything and people thought it was cute. When you reached my age, boys could not cry. We were not meant to be emotional, but yet the increasing tide of emotions threatened to break through my barrier. I was afraid that a huge flood would soon began to slide down my face and I would no longer be able to prevent it.

Dad sat beside me and hugged me close to him. It had been years since we had embraced each other like this. At first it felt uncomfortable, neither of us were sure how the other would react to the unfamiliarness. After a while though, I found myself taking comfort inside his protective embrace.

“I'm scared Dad,” I whispered as I pulled away slightly in order to see his reaction to my words. I was shocked to discover that he was smiling at me, soft laughter threatened to burst from between his lips.

“I know champ! It is a big step, but I would not leave you take it if I did not believe that you were ready for it,” he replied. He placed his hand over my heart and looked me straight in the eyes. “You know in there that this is what you want to do. You'll be happy once you start, I promise.”

“What if I don't like it? What if the people are mean? What if I suck at training?” I asked, leaving all my fears tumble out of me. Releasing them immediately calmed my nerves, my body began to calm as soon as I released them.

“You will be brilliant, I promise,” he assured me. “Anyway, if you don't like it, you can always come here at any stage. This is your home and always will be.”

“Thanks Dad!” I said. I had no idea how much comfort could be found by simply talking to someone about your fears. While I remained nervous about the new move, I realised once again that it was the right decision. My family would still love me and be there for me no matter how much I messed up.

My father nodded his head in the direction of the stairs as he stood up indicating that it was time to go. He grabbed my oversized suitcase as I placed my rucksack over my shoulder. Slowly, I followed him down the stairs. Never before had I paid so much attention to each element of the house as I descended the steps. I wanted to memorise it all so that I could bring it with me.

I was glad that Alma was at school and that Toby was at the nursery. I had said my goodbyes to them last night as I tucked them into bed. I would not have been able to do it again. I had promised to call them tonight when I had reached MI5 or my new school as they believed.