The Edge of Honour

Chapter 45

Morgan's POV:

I gasped, inhaling a huge breath of air- my lungs felt like they were empty. My chest  was on fire, it burned, it had not been doing that before I had fallen asleep. As I looked around me, I realised that more wires had been placed under my skin. The wires connected to more complex looking machines. The numbers on the screen altered continuously and I wondered what part of my body they were monitoring. The pain in my chest was so strong, it was slightly less than the pain I had experienced before I had fallen asleep, but it was more concentrated.

My fingers anxiously pressed down on the button above my pillow which would summon the nurse to my side. I could feel that I needed assistance. They would not be able to tell how I was feeling inside and my information might be able to assist in their treatment for me. I just wanted the pain to go away. I wanted to go back.

There was a niggling feeling in me that somebody would be worried about me. I didn't remember anyone. It must have been a family member, I thought- everyone has a family. I wondered what mine comprised of and what characters and personalities would make it up.

"Jamie, are you okay?" the nurse questioned as she apprehensively checked the machines. She carefully wrote her notes into the clipboard that had been pinned to the bottom of my bed. All the while, her face searched mine as I tried to figure out how to explain what I was feeling.

"Do you know what is wrong with my chest?" I asked. It was a badly phrased question, I knew that she would need more information, but instead she nodded her head as I continued. "It feels as if there is a fire inside of it. It hurts more than the rest of my body."

"Jamie, do you remember being in severe pain last night?" she asked. I nodded, I remembered screaming continuously for what felt like hours. Then I didn't remember anything until I woke up a few minutes previous to this. "Well the pain you experienced caused your heart to fibrillate, we had to shock you several times to bring you back. It was touch and go for a while but you clearly have a fighting spirit inside your soul."

Learning that I had been so closed to dying terrified me. If it had not been for the staff especially the nurse who was now sitting beside me, I may not have been alive any longer. The pain now felt very welcome inside my body.

"Thank you," I said. The words were too simple, they didn't explain the gratitude I felt towards her and her team. I owed my life to them. As she smiled broadly back at me, it was obvious that she understand the meaning of my words.

"Jamie, are you sure that there is nobody that you wan't us to connect. You must have family who are worried sick about you." The concern was etched on her face as she pleaded with me to remember.

I tried to focus my mind on the person, I had been thinking of earlier. A form appeared it my mind's eye, but it was too insignificant for me to form any idea of the person behind it. It was a mere shadow of a person. I spent minutes concentrating on that image, trying to add colour and life to it, but it remained a grainy black image. It was impossible for me to decipher it and figure out who the person was. I could only remember the faces of two people- the nurse and the doctor who loathed me. It was obviously not either of those people.

I kept falling in and out of sleep. My body must have been exhausted from trying to heal my body. My bandages had been changed since they previous day and the drip which released the pain medication was much faster. Each drop was a little miracle for my body- preventing me from screaming like I was facing a murderer once more.

Finally, on one occasion, I woke up and left out a short high-pitched scream. This time it was a shout of joy. Small pieces of information were coming back to me. At first, they didn't make sense individually, but after a while they began to add up to add colour to the picture in my head.

It was a boy. I had only recently got to know him, but he was one of the most important people to me, maybe even the most. For some reason, I felt like we shared a type of connection that nobody else would be capable of understanding.

"Jamie!" The nurse exclaimed alarmed as she ran towards me. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm beginning to remember things again," I announced. I felt proud of myself, even though I had done little to achieve these memories, they just happened to recurred to me.

"That is amazing Jamie, congratulations." Something about that name didn't feel to write to me. I had vague memory of it, but I did not believe that I had been called it all my life. Maybe, it was a nickname that I had been given by somebody. "Here, why don't you write it all down on this notepad. It might help to make it clearer for you."

I reached out towards the notebook and eagerly began to write. As I focused on the image in my mind, it appeared to fill out more. I was learning more about this boy as I wrote. I wondered if he was a figment of my imagination, maybe I had just created him. I had been worried that nobody in the world cared about me- in an effort to comfort myself, I could have designed him to bring solace to myself. Something about him felt so real that I decided to stop questioning myself. Slowly and with an intense level of concentration- the page began to fill.

My writing sprawled untidily across it. I was worried that if I didn't document everything- I may forget it again. I still could remember nothing about the attempted robbery which I had been hearing about. The police had questioned me so clearly they had reason to suspect I was involved. If they were not almost certain there would not be a twenty four hour armed watch outside my door. There must have been an explanation for what had happened. While I could not remember much about myself- I was not able to believe that I could have done such a thing.

The pain in my body began to ease gradually as I focused on regaining my memory. It seemed to be empowering me which spurred me on in my aim and made me want to continue. I flicked the pad over and began to write on a second page.

There were one idea that felt more foolish than anything else that I had written previously. Somewhere in my brain had concocted an idea that I had powers. It was unrealistic I know, they weren't real. They were created for comic books, cartoons and movies- that was the beginning and end of their existence. Nevertheless, I wrote down my thoughts with the hope that they might make sense to me later. As I thought back on superpowers that I had heard of- there was three of them which seemed to hold a special meaning for me for some reason. The first was super speed, then there was manipulating weather and the ability to breath underwater. Maybe, they all combined into my favourite television show or a movie that I had seen as a child. Whatever they meant, I could only ascertain that they were important to me.

As I continued to fill the pages of the notepad, I didn't uncover much new information, but it was still strange. As I wrote, I had no idea if I was just making it up or if it was relevant to me and my life.

Little did I know as I stared at the words on the page, that I was about to discover a whole other part of my life. It was the biggest part of my life and I could not even remember any of it at the moment. Soon though, that life would be coming to me in the exact hospital bed that I was still laying in. I was about to uncover who I was once more in a terrifying ordeal.