7, 504 miles

12.21.2015

5.31 PM

tonight i am going to be spending some time with myself. i'm planning to have dinner and walk around the mall a little bit, it will be nice to enjoy some alone time. i feel like i haven't gotten enough as of late; even though i'm sharing a small apartment with five plus girls and counting.

5.36 PM

i am finding myself more and more invested in discovering as much as i can about sylvia plath and her life. it's really too bad that beautiful people kill themselves but i guess it's just what happens, eventually.

the bell jar is truly a great book. i really like reading it, enjoying it. leisurely flipping page after page as if i was sipping from a cup of the most delicious liquid knowing that it will shortly end and i will be just as thirsty afterwards.

5.48 PM

throughout the days of being abroad in taiwan i have been noticing my eating patterns have drastically changed and i find myself eating faster without purpose or realization. this burger is pretty good, anyway.

i pity the people who think that it's a sad sight to see a young foreign girl eating alone, but this happens to be the best i think i've felt so far.

6.10 PM

don't have enough pocket change to buy yourself a lipstick? no need to worry; simply eat something spicy.

6.35 PM

retail therapy. i'd love if malls and stores could stop playing christmas music. i tried to find some tips on being by yourself during christmas time but i only seemed to find a song and didn't bother listening to it.

it's ironic how in the summer my parents asked me if i would be interested in going away for christmas and i immediately said no and that i wanted to spend it with my family; just look how that went.

i guess that if i wasn't here right now and i was, instead, at home still asleep with light from the outside sunrise in my bedroom i wouldn't be able to buy this dress which i'll probably only wear two or three choice times.

and, oh, i could only imagine how upsetting i would feel to not be standing in a long line holding something that meekly resembles seventy percent of my wardrobe and being home for the holidays.

christmas is going to tear me apart, except my intestines will be tinsel and my organs will be ornaments. i also imagine i will be full of strings of popcorn.

6.57 PM

i have to pee once again which is no surprise knowing the amount of liquids i consume on a daily basis. i'm in starbucks now, awaiting two drinks for myself. overindulgence at its finest; but the second one was free so you can't even hold me to it.

i'm simply enjoying myself. what a night. it feels so nice to not have to be with people.

there's a young girl and an older lady studying to the left of me which really makes me miss hanging out with my one aunt. i know how much she likes coffee dates with her friends, and me. before i leave i'm going to buy her a starbucks mug that says taipei or something relative on it. she asked for one, anyway.

7.03 PM

it feels oddly satisfying to be staring at this blank, purplish grey wall and do anything but read, write and drink. two rose lattes. i'll drink one latte here but alas, i think i have thought of the perfect plan for the second one.

i'll be sitting in shorts, a loose shirt and a cardigan with a pair of socks on on my balcony admiring what is left of the daylight and looking down upon the busy city below me.

a nice ending to a nice night.

7.37 PM

i'm still not done my first latte, but i feel absent and drowsy so i think it's an appropriate time to be heading back to the apartment. i almost wrote home but that is not my home. i miss my home, and i hate that my brain wants to call here home.

i'm craving cold air. i took a gravol just in case i had difficulty sleeping. the mere thought of living in taiwan and developing a routine is making me feel sick.

7.43 PM

i always find myself enthused to see foreign people. is that a bad thing?

the air is thick with sweet cigarette smoke. i've sat myself behind two guys, ready to leave after i finish writing.

7.47 PM

the cigarettes here are very thin. i wonder if that makes them taste better? do people even smoke for the taste or is it just the nicotine calling them back? i don't know, i don't smoke.

i feel kind of excited knowing that i have sweets in my backpack that i forgot about.

10:16 PM

i feel vaguely unsatisfied with everything. i've so much to still do. goodbye for now.