7, 504 miles

01.03.2016

7.03

i want to go home so badly. why can't i be home right now. i don't want to do anything. on fire by sebadoh. i'm going to be waiting to get a table for thirty minutes. that's too long. it hasn't even been a minute since i've started writing this.

one minute. time is slow. i don't want to be here. my mom said that she thinks time will go fast, i hope that she's right because time feels like its dragging.

i hate being judged. i wish i was invisible. people make me feel so uncomfortable.

it's been five minutes, i only need to write for another twenty five but i don't think that's going to happen.

8.24

i'm so stressed out. i feel like i keep making the wrong decisions.

8.54

i miss my parents. i miss them making me do things with them like help make dinner and go with them to the grocery store. i miss getting Starbucks with my dad. i miss morning drives to school with my mom. i miss my brother. i miss him being all smiley and stupid.

i miss everyone and everything about home. i'm so tired of being here. its especially annoying to have to be here for another month knowing that nothing fucking matters because i won't be doing this when i get home.

its all fucking load of bullshit. and it's all for goddamn nothing. the only thing good about being away is that i've reopened myself to an old friend, caught up on my reading, and realized how much i love the people around me.

speaking of love, someone just proposed to someone at the restaurant i'm in and everyone whipped out their phones to record them. like strangers and shit?

i'd be pretty weirded out if i was proposed to in public and a bunch of unfamiliar civilians started recording my special moment.