7, 504 miles

12.31.2015/16

12.07

many things today have reminded me of my grandparents; moms side. the first thing was in the taxi, the driver had magazines in the backseat pockets which is something that my grandma and grandpa did.

the second thing was the smell coming from a grill cook smoking sweet potato. it smelled like a campfire which makes me think of them for some reason even though it would make more sense to think of my main family or the family on my dads side since we have campfires a lot. and forest fires.

finally, the third thing was the smell of sunblock which made me think of when we were younger and my grandparents would take us to the beach or to the water park or adventure village and we'd get ready and my grandma would make sure we had sunblock on.

footnote: some girl thought i could speak Russian so she started to say something to me and i was silent and she said 'Can you speak Russian?' to which i said 'Canadian.' to which she said 'Oh, you look Russian.' i am not Russian. everyone else is Russian.

i asked my manager why there were so many Russian girls and she said because of their dollish complexion and because Canadian/American girls don't want to come to Taiwan.

why did i come to Taiwan? what made me want this?

3.12

today is going by very slowly. i had a burger earlier but it just made my stomach turn. i just got back from a little snack run to family mart where i got milk tea, a chocolate bar and a slice of matcha cheesecake so that's exciting.

i was told that i should be ready by eight to go out for new years. i'm not really excited to do that but i guess it's better than sitting in the apartment alone. is it?

this tea is taking a while to get hot.

4.38

proud of myself for being able to go off of the agencies pocket money and still have $500 for the weekend.

footnote: to any of Canadian friends and family reading this, its Taiwanese money so that probably converts to like 20 Canadian dollars. things are cheap over here.

i'm in Zara and i didn't get anything which is cool. nice fucken' willpower.

4.54

spending time with people is physically and mentally draining as fuck even though i enjoy it.

every time i see a white person they usually look kind of fucked up. like sad and shit.

i want to go home but its not even because i'm upset i'm just bored and theres honestly no point of me being here if i'm not going to model when i get back?

7.45

i was given some gifts from my roommates for the new years. its nice that they did that.

i am thoroughly enjoying shane dawson marathons.

8.57

we out here. all dressed up and shit. except for me because i'm not about that life. anyways. we're going to eat dinner on a balcony which is nice. i can't wait to go home and watch horror movies.

9.06

oh right, forgot to tell ya that i wrote a really short poem. it's really deathly, therefore i won't be sharing.

i also downloaded like seven audiobooks which i am over the mountain excited about.

footnote: no money was spent in the downloading process.

10.02

we ran from the MRT station to get to Rama - a thai restaurant and lounge, which is where we are now. we were greeted by our lovely "host" and the other girl from our agency.

i'm excited to be here. i am really glad i came. we're ordering from the menu now, yay.

VERY IMPORTANT PROUD MOM FOOTNOTE: JOSH AND TYLER OF TWENTY ONE PILOTS PERFORMED - LIKE THE LYRICAL, MUSICAL AND EVER SO TALENTED ANGELS THEY ARE - ON MTV BEFORE WE LEFT AND I WAS JUMPING IN MY SEAT!!!!!

11.27

it feels good to genuinely laugh with someone.

i love watching beautiful people through reflections because they don't see me deeply admiring them.

4.04

i'm reflecting on my night. there's far too much that happened to re-record for you. for that i am sorry; but i am also not sorry at all because i had an amazing night and saw amazing things and had big laughs and got lost and angry and really just had an incredible time.

thank and fuck you, 2015. guess who's still here.

i hope you have an incredible new year. i love you. thank you.