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TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER
PLEASE DONT READ IF ANYTHING WITH SUICIDAL THEMES ETC. TRIGGERS YOU OKAY THANK YOU <3
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DAN
When somebody's your friend, they're supposed to make you want to carry on living, and keep going.
But not with Phil.
He made me want to stop trying and just die. I'm... trying too hard and it just becomes so much to handle at once.... especially when he doesn't even know; he's completely clueless. He doesn't know how messed up I am, he thinks I'm just a normal everyday guy.
I feel like I have to keep impressing him, and keep putting up a stand. I want to be good for Phil. I want him to think I'm okay.
I just need to fake everything.
Pretend that I'm feeling great. Pretend that I love life. Pretend that I don't want to kill myself.
He's such a nice guy. I want to meet him, but I have to stay anonymous so we don't get too close; causing him to find out about all of this.
I pick up my penknife and add five more cuts to the ones already littering my arms.
I cringe a little at the pain but it soon subsides and I feel the relief as all my thoughts seem to disappear.
All until I hear his voice...
"DANIEL!" my father shouts, banging on my bathroom door, "OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT OR ILL KNOCK IT DOWN MYSELF!"
I didn't doubt him for a second. I grab some tissue; soaking up the blood and quickly, I pull my sleeves down, hoping it doesn't leak through. Opening and unlocking the door, I am met with the face of my father.
"YOU FU.CKING FAG!" he shouts, spitting in my face, "WHY THE HE.LL WAS THIS DOOR LOCKED?"
He shoves me down onto the ground and I hit my head on the wood of my bed.
"I'm not gay..." I mumble, quietly.
"SPEAK UP YOU WIMP!" he shouts, kicking me, causing my arm to give-way and send me tumbling onto my side.
"I said, I'm not gay."
"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BEING A FAG?! I KNOW YOURE NOT BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CANT BE A QUEER!"
'It kind of does...' I think, to myself.
He carries on throwing insults at me, as he proceeds to kick, beat and punch me, until I feel completely numb.
Fag.
Worthless.
Queer.
They all hurt. They all stick to me like moths to a flame.
He walks away, back down the stairs again, to the alcohol. Leaving me unconscious on my bedroom floor.
~>•<~
JESUS IM SORRY THAT WAS REALLY DEPRESSING <3
YOU ARE READING
Depressed | Phan {EDITING}
Fanfiction"Phil... I'm depressed" "Oh my god, me too! I get so down in the dumps sometimes it's ju-" "No. Phil. I have depression" "Oh." ~ triggers: -self harm (cutting) -depression + depressing thoughts -suicidal though...
