Attack on One-shots

Smack! Erwin x Emaline

**LEMON/SMUT**
This was requested by Emaline_Is_Bored
Modern.
Hope you enjoy!

You peered at the different boxes of cereal, taking forever to decide which deliciously crunchy food you were going to take. It was a battle between Fruit Loops and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You wanted the fruity taste of the Fruit Loops, but you wanted the cinnamon taste of the Cinnamon Toast Crunch as well. "I'd try the Honey Smacks," a low voice suggested behind you, "because honey, I'd love to smack that ass." And smack that ass he did. The moment his hand made contact with your butt, you spun around furious at the man behind this.

"Listen here you shithead," you sneered, realizing he was nowhere to be seen. You growled and spun back around to face the colorful boxes of food. You could get all the cereal you wanted since you had enough money and your own apartment, but from the past experience with cereal, you decided it'd be best to cut down on how much you eat. Let's just say you were completely obsessed with cereal when you were younger and it led to your younger self suddenly getting sugar high from one of the cereals.

It was pointless debating on what cereal you were buying because by the time you left the aisle, both boxes were in your cart as well as a third one someone had suggested just moments ago. Now you were in the candy aisle looking for some sweets to share with your friends on your special movie nights every Saturday. Today happened to be the day. Your eyes scanned over the different bags and boxes of candy before your E/C eyes landed on a certain group. Skittles, Reese's, Airheads, and Hot Tamales. Three Skittles boxes, two Reese's packs, four Hot Tamales boxes, and five Airheads Extreme packages now sat scattered in your cart full of miscellaneous goods.

"Get more of the Hot Tamales," a familiar voice announced behind you.

"Oh? And why's that?" You asked through clenched teeth as you finished throwing in random candy.

"Because hot tamales your ass is nice!" He slapped your butt once again and disappeared as you turned around to kill that annoying yet amusing mysterious man. You groaned in annoyance, wanting to catch that person and continued to push your cart down the aisles, taking all of the items you needed.

"Well howdy lady, but may I say that ass o' yours is darn tootin' cute!" That same person announced in a country accent. You turned around about ready to slap that fake accent off his face, but stopped. He was extremely good-looking in your opinion with the bushiest eyebrows you had ever seen. He wore a cowboy hat and one of those horse heads on a stick between his legs. You giggled at the scene in front of you. "This here's good ole Jean," he explained petting the head of the fake horse, "and I'm Deputy Erwin." He held out his hand and you took it.

"Emaline," you replied shaking his hand.

"Woo wee! We don't see good lookin' ladies like you around town!" Erwin whistled.

"T-thanks." You blushed. He seemed polite for a man who smacks your butt, is faking a country accent, and is riding a fake horse with a cowboy hat on.

"Well ma lady Emaline, I must be on my diddly way! I hope ter see ya again!"

"So long Deputy." You waved and turned around, only to be smacked on the butt once again. Your head whipped around. "Hey!" But he was nowhere in sight.

'I'd better get out of here before he slaps my butt raw,' you thought, strolling down the last aisle you needed to be in.

Someone behind you breathed in and out slowly, as if they were Darth Vader while you were searching through the cleaning products.

"I am your father, you nice ass," the voice said and next thing you know it, your butt was slapped once again.

"Do you mind Erwin?! I'm trying to shop here!" You yelled, done with his act.