By Now

Parks and Scars

One Year Ago

In the end we decide to just go on a walk. We ended up at a park, circling the pond. There were families feeding bread to the geese and ducks that were swimming in the water and walking up on the beach area.

I chuckled as I saw one goose chasing a small boy because he was holding a piece of bread. Lou was in the middle of telling me a story about his two dogs, Banana and Arno. He was gesturing wildly with his hands. "...Then Arno jumped up and grabbed the donut from the table and knocked over my dad's coffee mug completely covering him with it. Then my mom came running over with paper towels and she just kept trying to clean it up. But the thing was was it had spilled on his crotch so he was yelling about how it burns. Everyone in the park was staring at us. I was soooo mortified. After that I was told I wasn't allowed to bring my dogs to family picnics anymore. Which of course bummed out my sisters." I chuckle as he had gotten so into the story that he hadn't realized that we had stopped and sat down on a bench.

"You named your dog Banana?" I smirk.

"And Arno." He says, defending himself.

I hold my hands up in mock surrender. "I'm not judging you! It's just... banana? I understand Arno. I mean that's kind of like Arnold, right?" I question.

He snorts shaking his head, "Who the hell would name their dog Arnold?"

"May I remind you, you named your dog Banana?" He slaps my thigh still shaking his head.

"If you muuuust know. I love bananas. And Arno is named Arno because Kelsey, a friend of mine, introduced me to the game Assassin's Creed Unity. And Arno is the name of the assassin. I became obsessed with that game about a week before I got him."

I lean back against the back of then bench and purse my lips. "Arnold is cooler." Lou barks out a laugh and lightly elbows me in the ribs. I fake like I'm injured and dying. "The light. Oh God. So... bright!" I croak out falling off the bench and reaching out into the air.

"Ha ha ha. Aren't you just comedian of the year?" He chuckles dryly and lightly kicks my foot before smiling. "Its your turn."

I had forgotten how we had even got started on his story. I had asked him about his favorite memory of being in a park. "Ahh. No." I say wagging my finger at him. "I believe it's your turn." He winks at me as if he had known that. Sassy bastard probably did. I think chuckling silently.

"Do you have any scars?" He asks after pondering for a moment or two. I nod and lift up my shirt. Pointing at a tattoo on my stomach, I say "I got stabbed. I hated the reminder of it so I went over it." It was a zipper with a butterfly at the end. Lou moved closer and gently traced it with his fingertips making me shiver. He looked up at me through his eyelashes making my breath hitch.

"You got cut?" He whispers gently. I nod slowly biting the inside. Of my cheek. I realize I'm still sitting in the grass and pull myself up onto the bench again. I sit close enough that Lou's thigh touches mine.

"I got piss ass drunk one night. I wanted to piss my mom off... So I brought a guy home. It had been the first time I had sex and the only time I   bottomed. I didn't really enjoy it so I never bottomed again. Nor will I. I was loud about it on purpose and my mom walked in. She was pissed. God, was she pissed. She started ranting. Saying things like I was definitely going to Hell. That kind of stuff ya know?" I pause my voice cracking. Lou's fingers tangle themselves in mine.

"Harr-"

"No." I shake my head. "Just let me tell you. Please?"

"Ok." He whispers.

"The guy, I don't even remember his name. I don't think I ever knew it to be honest. He got out of there as fast as he could. I could remember wishing that I could do the same. After he ran out, my mom came back in. She was carrying a knife. She started ranting about how I was disrespectful for doing that in a house of a God fearing family. I had told her to shut up. She snapped and stabbed me. My sister, Gemma, was the one who found me. My mom barely missed my kidney. And I only gave one kidney as it is. I was only born with one. After that I knew I had to leave. So I packed my stuff and I left. I was seventeen. I moved in with Zayn and finished high school. Then we decided Miami. Because why the fuck not. I wanted to get far away from them. And Zayn, Zayn just didn't want snow anymore. Every year he botched about it." I chuckle at the memory of Zayn whining everyday when there was even an inch of snow on the ground.

"I'm sorry." He says. I shrug. I got over it awhile ago.

"I've come to terms with it though. Mostly because Anthony helped me with that. He's more of a father than my dad ever was. Even before I came out."

Lou cocks his head before grinning slyly. "I hear an ice cream truck." He says, effectively changing the subject. I smile and let him lead me towards the truck.

After we got the ice cream, Lou got strawberry and I got vanilla, we ended up wearing more of it than actually eating it. As we lay in the grass laughing with Lou pressed close, I realize I hadn't been this happy in a while. And I'd do anything to keep it like that.