By Now

Sinking Deeper into the Red, Weed, Sex

Month Later

"Gimme another hit." I laugh. I take another drag, holding it in for as long as I can before letting it go.

Floating higher and higher. Even as I sink deeper and deeper.

What's-his-face straddles my naked torso. He takes a hit before leaning to put it in the ashtray on the headboard. He leans back down, nails scratching my chest. I pull his head down to mine as we shotgun it.

I let the the smoke out and we just lazily kiss. He tugs off my pants and I go with the flow, laughing occasionally.

He deep throats me as soon as my pants are off, having gone commando. His lips are to thin. Unlike Lou's. They looked chapped too.

I pull him off before I lose my erection. I pull a condom out of the drawer connected to the headboard. He tears it open with his teeth, before sloppily putting it on.

I tug his basketball shorts off. He's still loose from earlier so I find no need to prep him. He grimaces slightly from the pain, but I couldn't care less. I go through the motions, lazily thrusting, grimacing at his moans. They're to deep. Lou's would have been higher.

I blow my load into the condom, pulling out. "Jerk yourself off." I mumble, tossing him aside, tuning out his grunts as I fall into a deep sleep. Lou would have been better.

***
Week Later

Red.

He had been holding hands with someone else.

Blue.

It's my fault. If I wasn't just a stupid ass fuck up, then I would still have him.

Red.

It only took a month to get over me?

Red.

Red.

Red.

Red.

All I see is Red. Sex, Weed, and Red. That's what my life consisted of.

Blue.

All the locks had been changed a week afterwards.

Red.

It was my fault.

Red. Red lines. Pink scars. Red. Red. Red. RED. RED. RED.

Invisible Red.

Unseen but seeing. Seeing Red. Only Red. Red and Louis. Louis. My princess. My princess that I hurt. Because of me, he's hurt.

I wasn't going to get him back. I knew that. I knew that just as much as I knew Red.

***

"Harry. Get up. I have to go to work." I groan. Liam is so annoying sometimes.

"I'm up." I groan again. Red. I need Red. "I gotta piss." Liam looks doubtful but I don't give a fuck about Liam right now.

Liam is not Louis. Liam is not Red. Liam is not Weed. But Liam was Sex. That's all Liam was. Sex, Weed, and Red.

As I finish pissing and Red. I walk out, patting my wet hands on the back of my sweatpants.

"You coming with me today?" Liam asked tying his shoes.

I shrug, "Sure. Got nothing better to do."

Liam was a stripper. He got weed from one of the regulars in exchange for head. I didn't care. Liam and I weren't together. We were just Sex. We would always just be Sex.

As we walked out of the door, I felt myself slipping deeper into the continual cycle of Red, Weed, and Sex.