Chapter 21
For some reasons I don’t feel like winning. I of all people should be glad for winning the task but, it feels different.
I feel empty.
My father taught me to get whatever I want in all possible ways. Unbelievably, I feel guilty, and the reward of having good grade for the first half seems useless. This shouldn’t be the feeling… I should be jumping up and down and cheering loudly like my teammates. It feels like I’m driving away from what I’m used to be.
I don’t want it! I don’t want to change. So I smile and pretend that I’m at my happiest just so Terence’s effort will not be put into nothing.
I need to get out of the dormitory somehow. I need to clear my mind from all of these doubts about myself. But where should I go? There’s no place in the dormitory or even the school that would make me feel easy. I want to go somewhere where I can be alone and at home.
There’s no place like home. I always wanted to be out of Sapius, to be out of the stinking smell of the market and to the creaking floorboards of our house. I always picture myself and my family settling in a nice place in Kentron and never to return in our hell like life, but at this point, all I want is to be back home.
I miss home.
I miss Sapius; everything around it that makes me comfortable and disturb at the same time.
I walk down to the lobby and out of the dorm’s door. It’s prohibited to go out of the school during weekdays, but I just want to be at the hallway and smell and feel its ancient ambience, like rotting pages of books in the public library. It’s my last resort of finding a place to clear my mind.
“Hold it right there!” shouts the Venturian guard who stop me instantly from further opening the door. “You know the rules, Miss. Go back inside.” He orders.
I ignore him and push the door anyway and open it wider. “I’m not going outside the school, officer. I just need a place to stay for a while.” I say nicely.
“That’s why this dormitory is created at first place.” He looks at me with confusion “First and last name please.” He continues after looking at me vaguely.
“Keesha Valtimore.” I answer. He starts to type my name in his tablet so I panic. I think he’ll report me to Professor Great. “No sir. Please don’t tell the professors. I’ll just go back inside. I’m sorry.” I bow my head
He stares at the computer; he’s waiting for something. After minutes, I taught he’ll escort me to the principal’s office but for whatever reason, he allows me to go and have a walk at the hallway. “Just don’t go near the other end, Dawn will be glad to use his power against you, no matter what your reasons are.”
I nod at him instead and walk silently to the hallway.
“And be back before dinner time” he shouts.
“Yes officer!” I shout, assuring him that I will.
There’s nothing much really in the hallway, actually there’s nothing in here, nothing but dust and smoke coming from somewhere. The dim light that flickers every now and then makes me more comfortable. Many people think I’m weird, and I guess they’re sure right. I like the unlikeable – dim to dark places, fighting, complicated and thick books and other stuffs that are so unnatural for girls of my age.
I pace back and forth until I feel a silent pain in my left foot so I decide to rest first. I lean my back to the wall for some balance as I check what’s in my shoes. There I find a small thumbtack in the upper corner of my shoes. I must have stepped on it when I was walking back in the middle of the hallway. I push myself harder to the wall as I try to remove the thumbtack that was stacked on my black shoes for minutes now.
