Chapter 30
The lobby has never been this quiet, and empty. It’s like a dungeon full of dead people resting peacefully – shallow and scary, but beautiful at the same time. I look at how the chairs and tables are perfectly aligned even though students sat on them every single day. The velvet couches near the front desk are well set too, like no one had ever touched it. It’s funny that I haven’t notice this before…. before Luke left for some district representatives ‘mission’.
Footsteps, the second thing I heard since I left the mess kit for dinner. I gracefully turn my head on to see who it is with a sweet welcoming smile on my face. I even kind of jump of my seat just to look at my back. “It’s just me, Keesha.” Terence laughs.
“Oh” I say in disappointment. “What are you doing here?” I ask shyly. I don’t know why I feel so shy with Terence all of a sudden.
He sighs deeply, like he always does when there’s something in his mind that he wants to say but couldn’t for some unexplainable reasons. He walks toward me and then I see his strong angular face clearly. He’s wearing his eye glasses too. “Mind if I sit down?” he asks, pointing at the brown chair at my side.
Instead, I offer him the other seat. It is not because of whatever ‘avoiding’ reasons; it’s simply because Luke always sits there. That brown chair is always been for Luke; that is his spot.
He raises his eyebrows and pulls the chair so we can face to face. “How are you, partner?” he asks. The sound of Terence’s voice against my ears is soothing, like the wind breeze at night fall. This is the first we’ll talk again for quite some time; after asking him to choose between me and his girlfriend. “Keesha,” he says with a little shake on my shoulders. I realize that I’ve been staring at him for quite some time. “I said, how are you?” He laughs curiously.
“I’m fine.” I say casually. “Perfectly fine.”
“You can tell me anything, you know. I’m still your bestfriend.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Terence. Everything’s going well.” I lie.
Honestly, everything is falling into pieces. Failed grades, sick brother, unexplainable immune system, drunkard father, poor as rat life, fading friendships, unaccepted love…. Who am I kidding? My whole life is a mess… I am not alright. I’m losing my grip at whatever’s hope I’m holding on to.
He smiles calmly, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah” I assure him. My name must be on the top of the list of the liars’ award.
“Okay fine, whatever you say. But, let me remind you partner ‘there is no disguise that can for long conceal love where it exist or simulate it where it does not.’ ”
My eyes flicker with flames as he quotes Francois De La Rochefoucauld, does he know that I love him? How, when and to whom did he know about it? What shall I do now? I keep my eyes on the ground, trying to avoid his gaze that’s melting me.
There’s a moment of silence between us, the only noise I’m hearing is the fast nervous beat of my heart.
“Did you know that you’re acting different for two weeks now?” he says finally. “And did you also know that Luke is gone for two weeks now.” He frowns at me and taps his fist at the table from irritation. “You don’t get it, do you?” he asks. “You first acted strange when Luke was sent for a mission.”
“Your point being?” I ask, though I don’t sound interested.
“I’m going to be straight with you, Keesha, I think you’re falling for Luke. And it’s not a bad thing; it’s just that it worries me...a lot. You’re acting strange; I don’t know you at all – you acted meanly on Nympha when she just want to help you, you’ve insulted Amber way too much, your friendship with Sires, especially with an Argonian Sire. You’re failing our tests and you’re avoiding us for no particular reason, and don’t say it’s because of my relationship with Steph, because it’s unacceptable. I’ve explained it a million times, Keesha. There’s a big difference between you and Steph.”
“….I feel like your changing into someone else. Someone that I can’t even say hello to, it pisses me off Keesha and it is all because of that Venturian Sire.”
Terence’s words stun me. I never imagined that he’ll say something that honest to me. He normally keeps his thoughts to himself in order not to hurt someone. “What made you think I like Luke?” my voice is little intense than usual.
“Then tell me why are you so conscious about yourself every time his around, and don’t deny that. I always notice how you fix your hair and how little you breathe when he is close to you. The way you’ve been acting these past days, it’s clearly because of him. Don’t fool yourself.”
“How can you say that? You don’t even see me that often! You’re always with Stephanie, you barely recognize the people around you when she’s with you. And I bet the only reason why you’re here, talking to me is because your girlfriend isn’t around!” I shout at him. My voice is too loud and the room is too empty that the last words I’ve said echoed.
“Don’t turn the table around, Keesha. This isn’t my issue. ” he says angrily.
“He has nothing to do with it. If there is, it’s that he comforts every time I’m down. The one thing I’ve wished that you would do for me.” I burst out crying. I can’t hold it anymore.
“How am I supposed to do that when you’re avoiding me? You’re not letting me do the things I have to do for you.” His hands are on his laps, crunching the fabric of his pajama. “Tell me then, what’s wrong, partner?”
I look at how eager his face is, then I’m glad that he still cares, not the way I hope, but still, he cares. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because like what you’ve said, you don’t know me at all.” There’s another silence. I wait for his response but all I get is a smile. He straightens his pajama and stands immediately, trying to avoid his eyes on me.
“I won’t mingle with your problems, but I will not let you be sad again. I can’t let Luke do that job.” For some reason, I feel like deep down in a part where Terence is unaware of, he is jealous of Luke.
He pauses, turns his back on me and just as before he leaves the room he whispers, “I miss us.”
