****don't read if you'll get offended (even though it's not really offensive?) I'm just having a laugh and goofing off and being my lame ass self, love you all!****
HAPPY 'MURICA DAY
*gun shots*
*bald eagle swoops bye*
*crushes beer can in hand*
*salutes Obama*
So this is obviously not an update. Well, it is an update. I'm updating you.
It's 'Murica day.
I don't know why, but I have this fixation with people pronouncing America as "Murica".
I'm very strange.
Anywhoa, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!
If you do not know why Americans celebrate the 4th of July ((there was literally people on twitter who didn't know why we celebrate it??)) HERE'S A HISTORY LESSON!
On the fourth of July in 1776 (also known as Independence Day), the United States of America (Murica) adopted the Declaration of Independence, thus declaring freedom from Great Britain. So basically, the day America (Murica) was born!
And how do we Americans celebrate freedom?
That's right.
WE PARTY HARD WITH ILLEGAL FIREWORKS, KICK ASS BARBECUES, AND GETTING DRUNK OFF OUR ASSES!
Oh, America.
(Murica)
I, obviously, will not be doing any of this, "getting drunk off our asses", as I am under age but I WILL be partying at a friends house ((maybe? I don't know yet)) and its gonna be fucking amazing like there's gonna be a dj there and a huge ass water slide and a HUGE barbecue.
You know how we Americans like our food.
Don't be offended by anything we Americans say. We're honestly just having a laugh.
Sorry for all the tea jokes.
Sorry for all the bagged milk jokes.
Sorry for being American??
IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED I ACTUALLY DON'T LIKE AMERICA EVEN THOUGHT IM AMERICAN.
So I WILL be making jokes about dumping your tea in the harbor and I WILL be making jokes about bagged milk.
So pipe down "peace keepers" I can't hear you over my gaLLON OF MILK.
"Want some tea?"
"Yeah, sure what kind?"
"... Liber-tea"
Ba dum tssss
Wait wait wait, here's another one.
How did Christopher Columbus finance his trip to America?
The discover card!
Eh?? Need another?
If you're American in the kitchen, American in the living room, and American in the bedroom, what are you in the bathroom?
European!
... I'm actually not funny.
ON A SERIOUS NOTE;
I just want to thank all of our troops fighting for our freedom. I may not like America, but if there's one thing I LOVE is the bravery our soldiers have, the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers.
You're all heros.
Now, I'm off to run naked with an American flag chanting "USA USA USA" down the streets.
I love you all! Don't drink and drive! Use protection!
((don't be silly, wrap your willy!))
(ps, update soon? I don't know guys, i honestly don't know what to write anymore.)
ONE MORE THING;
I just want to thank you all for the 11.5k reads, I say this alot but thank you thank you thank you! I just love you guys. I'm done now(:
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