If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

Assembling Their Philosophies From Pieces of Broken Memories

Asteria: 

Dear Asteria,

I'm sorry to say that this is not your father. I didn't want to use my name on the letter because I was worried that the letter would be sent back and it's very important that you get it. This is your uncle Donovan. I'm your father's brother. I know that you've chosen to keep your distance from our family and that's understandable, but it didn't feel right to not let you know about something like this. I'm sorry to say that I have some awful news. Your father's been diagnosed with cancer. I know that you weren't very close to him, but this is a very difficult time. It's a very aggressive form of the disease and he would like to see you. He was given an estimate of six months. We know that you're busy and that you're working on a lot of things right now but your father would truly love to see you. I heard you singing on the radio with a band the other day! I had no idea you could sing! 

I stop the letter there and shove it back into the weekender. I don't want to know what else is in it right now. I don't know how to feel about what I just did. About how I just stormed out of a hotel room based on an assumption. About how I'm on a plane back to New York instead of getting ready to go to see my favorite band perform on side stage. 

Once I'm back in my apartment I leave my bags at the door and throw myself onto my bed. I haven't eaten anything since lunch with my mom and...him and I just really need carbs. I mean a lot of carbs. I hear Davey bring my bags into my room.

"Leaving your bags just in the center of the living room? That's so unlike you, little bug." 

I don't respond. I don't care to. I have no idea how he even knew to pick me up at the airport tonight...Unless...

"He called you, didn't he?" I ask quietly. I feel Davey's weight next to me on the bed and he starts rubbing my back. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. Fuck you, Davey.

"You knew he'd do this."

"I knew he'd mess up. I tried to tell you, Asteria."

"This really isn't the time for I told you so, David." He stays quiet and squeezes my shoulder. 

"I'm sorry...Has he called you?"

"At least thirty times, but I don't want to talk," I say with a sigh. 

"What do you think he wants to say?" I feel myself starting to cry again.

"I don't know...Davey...He was planning on sleeping with me this whole time."

"Well, munchkin, I'm sorry to say that boyfriends do plan on sleeping with their girlfriends at some point. You see, there are these things called hormones and when boys have those things they look at girls like you and-"

"Davey, shut up."

"So what, Asteria. What are you feeling right now. Speak up." He roughly turns me over on the bed and makes me look at him. I try to turn back around but he grabs my arms and pins me. "Look at me and fucking talk to me."

"I feel...like I was...I don't know like I was taken advantage of...I feel disrespected...I feel like trash, Davey! The texts that he and Dallon were sending each other w-" I stop talking when I feel his grip tighten around my arms. 

"What texts..." He's pissed. He's starting to hurt me but I'm afraid to say anything. "Asteria, tell me what the fucking text messages said."

"When I first met them...When we were meeting in the room, Dallon whispered something to Brendon and he laughed and it bugged me for a while but I forgot about it and...The texts were about how long it would take to sleep with me...because I was such a prude and he-Davey! Stop!" The pain gets to be too much and I pull away from him. Why the fuck is he hurting me?

"What else did they say?" He gets up and starts pacing. 

"There were other girls at first. When I was in the hospital, there were other girls..."

"No, no way. He was with me every day you were in the hospital. Some nights, too."

"Not every night apparently...And there was one the day he took me on a date...there were a few in between things, too..." I start sobbing all over again, wondering who these girls were. What they looked like. Now that I know what it's like...All I can think about is him on top of them...I wrap my arms around my chest and try to hold myself together. 

"That's not okay...you're sure that you have the dates right?" Davey growls.

"Yeah...I'm positive..." I curl into a tighter ball and all I can hear is Davey's breathing increase.

"I'm gonna kill him," I hear him whisper and he storms out of the room.

"Where are you going, David?" I sigh as I watch him put his boots back on and layer up. Winters in New York are not forgiving.

"To kick his ass."

"So you're going to drive to Los Angeles, California to kick his ass." I shake my head at my idiotic friend, he's really not helping and I just want to eat something. "Since you're dressed, can you just please go get me food because you're really not helping."

"I'll get you food, but we need to have a talk when I get back, Asteria." He steps outside and shuts the door.

"Okay dad," I say under my breath. I change into my sweats and a large white t-shirt but once I pull the shirt over my head and a hint of vanilla hits my senses my heart breaks again. It's Brendon's. How did it get here? I take it off and throw on an old grey t-shirt that I used to use for painting class and turn up the thermostat in the apartment. 

While I wait for Davey to come back with food and hopefully ice cream I fight the urge to go back to the letter. I can't believe he was with other girls...No, I can. I don't know why I thought someone like him could love me. I feel like such a stupid little girl. I get up and head over to my work desk and stare at the cork board covered in photos. I slowly start taking down the ones with him in them. While I do so, my phone rings. Dallon's number appears on screen and I ignore it. I delete the texts that he sent me and the ones that Brendon sent without reading them. They're probably going on stage soon. I lost three hours of time and maybe that isn't the worst thing. Maybe after I eat I'll get to fall asleep.

When Davey comes back into the apartment I smell pizza and my stomach aches for food. He comes into my room and sees me lying on my bed, phone in hand.

"Are you talking to him?" he whispers as he watches me cry. 

"No, I was just on Instagram. That's all." He brings me a plate with four slices of pizza on it and at first I want to decline and tell him to take two back but my body disagrees and I finish the first slice in under a minute. 

"Is it hard to be in here?"

"Not so much. Why would it be?"

"Well, because of the times that he stayed here and everything. And I think you guys had like, a big talk in here or something," he says with a mouth full of pizza.

"Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"He's stayed over, Asteria." My mind struggles to find where it was that that happened...When he would have slept here...It would explain the shirt but...When was it?

"When?" Concern and fear cover Davey's face. He puts his plate down and grabs my shoulders, scanning my face. 

"What do you mean when?"

"He's never stayed here, Davey...I don't think he's ever even seen my room..."