If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

The Party Isn't Over Tonight

Asteria:

"I don't get it! I don't get how he just keeps doing this crap! And I can't even be mad!" I cry as I dab at the corners of my eyes. I feel ridiculous and embarrassed, but Shelly nods and listens. 

"You can be mad, that's only human."

"But he isn't even my boyfriend. But why come back and act like you want to get back together if you're going to be sleeping with other people?! Am I missing something here?"

"Maybe you are. Have you asked him why he does it?" Shelly's question actually stops my tears and I let out a loud sniffle as I stop dusting. This apartment really needed some work. 

"I just...Shelly I can't just take him back if he's still doing it."

"You don't have to," she smiles. "But understand that if you don't want to take him back, he's not your boyfriend. Whatever choices you make regarding him are choices you're accountable for. Should he have slept with that girl after visiting you? Probably not. But should you have thrown yourself on top of him after those detectives came in? Definitely not. You can't just make him out to be the villain, Asteria."

I let out a long sigh. I hate being wrong but I know Shelly's right. I  give her a nod.

"If you really love him, you'd love all of him. Every vice and every virtue."

I burst into a fit of laughter, a new form of tears sliding down my cheeks. 

"Shelly! That's awful!" I say, still choking from laughter."

"What did I-OH MY GOD!" She shouts as she starts laughing as well. "I'm out of here. I've gotta go get some sleep before my shift. Text me if you need anything okay? And Asteria, I'd call him and apologize."

"Apologize?!"

"I know it sounds ridiculous, but you were in the wrong to confront him while he was with someone else. He's not your boyfriend. You're not his girlfriend. And he looked pretty shaken up. Apologize." I let out an immature huff of air and she heads to the door. "Good luck. Coffee in two days?"

"Coffee in two days," I say with a weak smile. 

Once Shelly is gone I turn on my laptop and connect the speakers in my apartment. I hit shuffle and step into the redtroom. Bluetooth is amazing. I hum along to Bayside and Fall Out Boy, allowing Anthony Raneri and Patrick Stump to sing the emotions I can't put proper words to as I mix my very missed hair dye. Pete comes to mind and I realize that I should see if he can spend time with me some time soon. I also think of Dallon. I haven't spoken with Dallon in a really long time. I decide that I'm going to call them before I call Brendon. Shelly's right...I can't sit and expect him to just wait and not do anything with everyone while I figure out how I feel.

While I wait for the dye to set in I wipe down my fridge. It's been empty for a long time. I gave Davey my groceries before being admitted into the hospital. My timer goes off and I rush back into the restroom, excited to feel like myself again. I take off my leggings and old T-shirt and untie the plastic bag from my head, carefully tossing it's colorful content into the garbage.

Once I'm out of the shower, I wrap my hair into an old towel and dial Davey's number.

"What?" He asks in a monotone voice. "Can't you call Brendon? I can't visit you today."

I feel a sudden lump in my throat and try to fight past the stabbing sensation. What gives?

"Oh...sure. Sorry for bugging," I say gently as I hang up the phone. I wanted to let him know I was back home but that doesn't seem to matter to him right now. I dial Pete's number instead.