If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

A Pretty Picture But The Scenery Is So Loud

Asteria:

"Thank you, for not telling them," I say quietly. My nurse pulls me into a large hug and pets my, now blonde, locks. I can't wait to get a bottle of hair dye.

"It's none of their business when you get out of here. You keep such unhealthy relationships," Shelly sighs.

"I know, but I don't really know what else to do. They're kind of all that I have. Things with Davey have never been this...heavy? I can't think of another word for it."

"How long has it been since you guys broke up?" she asks. I look at her and try to figure out what she means.

"Brendon and I? About a month and a half now..."

"No, you and Davey."

"What?!" My stomach tightens. "That's so gross! Davey and I never dated! He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember! I think he was even my first friend!"

Shelly raises her eyebrows at me and looks me up and down. 

"Someone needs a reality check. One of you doesn't think it's gross. Don't you see how he looks at you? And why else would he fight with Brendon so much? You're caught in the Bermuda of love triangles, kid."

I sigh and throw myself onto the bed. Bermuda of love triangles? With Brendon and...Davey?! This isn't real. This is definitely a bad dream. I must be in a coma. That's the only explanation. I'm in a coma and when I wake up I'll find out that I never met Brendon and Davey will probably have a beard and I'll probably have really intense roots showing through my greasy hair. 

"Shelly, is this real?" She laughs at me.

"Yes, honey. It's real."

"You're not lying to me? You're not some figment of my imagination while I stay in this coma? Just a subconscious coping mechanism waiting to fade away along with the fantasy life I played out a few months ago?" 

"Oh, God. You're such a drama queen." She laughs again. "Now let me help you start packing. This room needs to be empty tomorrow or I'm keeping whatever clothes you leave behind. Where do you shop?"

The next hour or so is spent talking to Shelly about the wonders of actually digging through clothing racks at Forever 21 and H&M instead of just skimming the store and her secret love of my mildly edgy garments. Tomorrow I'm going back to my apartment to de-clutter and she wants to come with me to steal the things in my closet that I don't wear anymore in exchange for being my ride home after her shift. 

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I discharged myself and argued that they were the only stress in my life aside from the accident and me being in the hospital wasn't going to solve that. How do you explain that to the two people you care about most? 

"Are you sure these clothes fit you, Asteria?" Shelly asks. I roll my eyes as she holds up a pair of jeans.

"You're that eager to raid my wardrobe?" I sigh as I snatch the pants from her hands. 

"No! It's not that. It's just...hard to imagine that you've lost so much weight in a month...Actually, now that I look at you, you look a bit unhealthy..." She furrows her brown and examines my arms and jawline. She has me stand up and holds the jeans against me and I see a wave of sorrow make it's way across her face. "Oh, Asteria..."

"What? What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?" 

"Have you seen yourself recently? I mean really seen yourself?" When was the last time I looked in the mirror? I step into the restroom and realize that I've probably lost about twelve pounds since my time in this hospital.