If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

We Were Holding Hands Walking Through the Middle of the Street

Brendon: 

I wake up to two things this morning; a beautiful humming sound and the vibration of my phone. I look at its screen and see who it is. I quickly jump. How long has Asteria been in the shower? I answer quickly and try to be as quiet as possible, being careful to listen for the sound of her shutting off the water. 

"Hello?" I say quietly.

"Good morning, sunshine," Caroline sings into the phone. I look at the time. Did Asteria really wake up after being jet lagged from a six hour flight and falling asleep at one in the morning on her own? 

"Hey, I don't know how long I have to talk," I say.

"Yeah...I know...You're with her..." she says, her tone changing. "I just wanted to talk to you. You completely stopped texting last night.

"Yeah, I fell asleep as soon as we got to the hotel," I lie. Am I really doing this? Again? 

"You never answered me. Who is it that you're going to therapy for?" she asks quietly. I've been thinking about the answer to that question for a long time.

"I'm going for myself," I say honestly into the phone. "I need to change."

"But...Where does that leave us? Where does that leave you and her?" I hesitate.

"I...I don't know." How can I not know? I'm here at Disneyland with this gorgeous girl and I'm on the phone with a ghost from the past. Why can't I stop what I'm doing?

"Oh...I understand. I just...wanted to hear your answer. And your voice." Guilt instantly fills me. 

"I'm sorry, Caroline. I wish I had a better answer for you but-" I cut myself off as I hear the sound of the shower stop. "I'm really sorry, I've gotta go."

"Okay...Bye, Brendon." 

I quickly hang up and lie back down. I rub my temples. I got myself into one hell of a mess and I don't know how to get out of it. I don't know if I even want to get out of it. But I know I can't keep doing this. I know she's going to find out. She was right last night. I'm glad I was smart enough to delete my text conversation with Caroline. I feel like a monster while I sit here trying to hide who I'm talking to from the girl that's in the bathroom next to me, the girl that I fucked last night, who's singing one of my songs in the shower. I jump when I hear the bathroom door open and she walks out with a towel wrapped around her hair and another around her body.

"Hey! Good morning!" she says excitedly. Her face quickly changes. "You okay?"

"Yeah! I'm alright. Did you set an alarm?" 

"Nope! I totally forgot!"

"You woke up by yourself?!" 

"Yeah! New York time I guess," she says with a giant smile. My stomach flutters. I'm an idiot. I really do need therapy. 

She continues humming to the tune of Always and starts going through the luggage, choosing what to wear for her first visit to the happiest place on earth. She looks so different fresh out of the shower. Her skin is glistening and now that she's wrapped in a white towel and not wearing black clothes I realize that she isn't completely pale. She's actually got a warm glow to her skin tone. I realize quickly that this is from her mother's side, remembering that I was surprised at her mother's skin tone. I realize now that I really don't know as much as I thought about her family or her background. That's a conversation topic for the long lines at the theme park. 

"I just don't know what to wear! I know I should be comfortable but I'm just so indecisive!" 

"You're just excited," I laugh as I get out of bed and quickly pull on my boxer briefs. "I knew you would be. I brought you something that might help with the situation."