If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

I've Got To Have You Closer Now

Asteria:

There's been a painfully dull ache inside of me since December. Truthfully, I've been absolutely miserable. I've constantly felt like there was a very large hole in my chest that made me weak and hurt but no one could see it, not even the nurses and doctors in the hospital. But right now, now that I'm crying into his chest and my sobs are too hard to even be audible, I'm sure that he does. My tears are more than Brendon. Nothing in my life is okay. My father is dying, my mother doesn't want me around, Davey only wants me around if I'll be his girlfriend, Brendon only wants me around if he can have other girls too, my GPA is destroyed, I'm probably going to lose my internship, I might be kicked out of school, and I'm going to go to trial to put the people that tried to rape me into jail. So fucking excuse me for enjoying kissing Brendon Urie between all of this, I tell my subconscious as she screams at me to stop.

I don't stop. Neither does he. I actually do the opposite of stop. I move myself into his lap and his hands move from my jawline to my waist and my senses are overwhelmed. I touch the side of his face and he quickly pulls back with a gasp.

"I'm sorry," I say, out of breath as he winces. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I forgot that you-"

He cuts me off and kisses me again and I wrap my arms around his neck. I give into my senses and allow myself to feel how good it feels to be this close to him. He's hurt me the most but in him I find the most comfort and I want more. He pulls me closer to his chest and I gasp as he stands up and wraps my legs around his waist. I feel my body going weak as he carries me through the hallway and into his bedroom. He gently lies me onto the mattress and stays over me, kissing me gently as he slides his hands up my sides.

"I'm sorry that I was responsible for this," he says after pulling away from our kiss and runs his hand along my ribs. "And for this."

He places a long and sweet kiss on my forehead and another tear seems to have made its way down my cheek.

"And for these," he says as he kisses my cheek and stops it from going any farther. My breathing is heavy and all I can do is stare at him. I gently kiss the side of his face that I slapped and even more gently the side that Dallon punched. It's not swollen anymore but there's a small amount of bruising that makes its way into his hairline.

"That was my fault," he says with a small smile and leans back in and starts kissing me again. I don't want to think anymore about what he's done or who else was in this bed or when. I want to think about him and his body and how he makes me feel.

I reach for the hemline of his shirt and pull it over his head and when he looks at me his pupils are dilated and he licks his lips. He quickly starts kissing me again, this time more forcefully and places his hand on my lower stomach, but doesn't move it any farther than that. I quickly reach down and start sliding his hand into the waistline of my jeans.

"Please," I whisper between kisses and shortly after I lean my head back and let out a gasp. He slowly starts stroking small circles and my senses burst. Small moans start escaping from my mouth as he continues.

"You look so beautiful when you start getting close," he whispers and then sucks on my neck. My moans get louder and he starts going faster, pressing a bit harder and soon sending me over the edge. He doesn't stop once I've finished and the pleasure overwhelms me. My legs start shaking and I grab his arm, clenching my thighs together. He smirks and bites his lip before he takes his hands out of my pants and starts sliding them off of my body. He runs his hands up my legs and lets out a deep breath. "Your skin is so soft."

I grab one of his belt loops and pull him closer to me and his breathing quickly picks up. He starts taking off his jeans and I pull my shirt over my head. He immediately starts kissing my chest and pulls my breasts out of my bra, kissing and nibbling on the skin as he pushes himself against me, letting me feel his length. I let out small moans and gasps and he reaches for his night stand, pulling a square foil packet out of the drawer. I stare and process everything that's happening. This is it. This is my second time. He puts the foil between his teeth and pauses.