If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me (Book Two)

My Tell-tale Heart's A Hammer In My Chest

Brendon: 

I look from Davey to Asteria, trying to understand everything that's just happened. I have never seen Asteria hit Davey like that. I've never seen her act like this at all. it was like watching a different person. It was like she wanted to hurt him. Her breathing gets more calm and when I look at Davey his breathing is shallow. Did she hurt him?

"Asteria," he says in a softer voice than usual, "you don't need to put yourself through anything else right now."

"I don't need you to tell me what to do like you're my parent," she says in a choked up voice.

"Didn't I fucking raise you?" he asks quietly and she stares at him. A moment of silence goes by before Davey speaks again. "Didn't I? I mean I didn't do a great job but we're the same fucking age, Asteria."

"Davey, I'm so-"

"Yeah, I get it. You're sorry. And it's fine. But if you want me to stop taking care of you, you need to learn to use your fucking head. You're about to go into a trial. Again. The last time you had to do something like this, I had to practically carry you out of bed like a baby just to get you to sit at the table and eat. And I understand that. What you went through was hell and I'm sorry that happened to you. But I want you to shut up for a second and think about what you're choosing to do. You want to open a wound this deep? Is that really what's good for you?" 

I wish I had something, anything, to say to defend her but I know Davey is right. She hardly ever talks about her father but Davey's told me enough for me to understand how serious it would be if she chose to actually go visit him. Especially because of the letter...

"Davey, he's dying," she says, now crying fully and mournfully. Davey's face goes pale.

"Dude, I think we need to take you to a doctor. You don't look great," Pete says and I notice that Davey's breaths are shaking. 

"Yeah...Let's go...Asteria, get up, this talk isn't over." 

Davey grabs a pair of the shoes that she threw into her luggage and tosses them in her direction. When I look at her again she's still crying but there's a mix of anger and guilt on her face as she puts her shoes on and gets up. Once we're in the car I can hear Davey's breathing getting worse.

"What do you mean he's dying?" Davey asks from the front seat. Asteria tugs at the threads in her pants. 

"The last letter, the one that I couldn't rip, he's telling me he has cancer and it's getting really bad," she says in an unsteady voice, but her tears have stopped and her gaze is distant.

"That must have been over a year ago...Do you think he's even still alive?" Davey asks angrily, still speaking in a very quiet voice.

"That's not really what we should be asking her right now," I say but Asteria interjects.

"He is. I reached out last week to see and he is."

"Wait, this doesn't make any sense," Davey says as he starts rubbing his temples. "Where did you receive the letter?"

"My mom's house."

"Yeah, but I thought that they completely cut communication. How would he end up with her address?"

My entire body tenses. I can feel my palms starting to sweat as Davey and Asteria have some form of fucking telepathic conversation through the reflection of Davey's eyes in the rear view mirror. Their gazes match completely as they try to figure it out and I struggle to maintain my same pace of breath and fight back how shakey I know my hands are. When I look at Asteria her brows are pinched together and she holds Davey's gaze. 

"I have absolutely no idea?"

You need to say something. You really do. You said no more secrets. You have to say something.

"Ididit." The statement comes out of me so fast that it sounds almost like a stutter. 

"What?" Asteria asks, her gaze shifting to me and cutting through me like daggers.

"I found your dad." She stares at me, mouth parted, trying to figure out what to say.

"I don't understand why every single time shit gets cool between me and you, you fuck that all up," Davey groans loudly and clutches his side. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

"Because she seemed really upset about it and when I found him and found out he was fucking dying it felt like something she deserved to know!" 

"Oh, Bren you really shouldn't have done that," Pete groans and I can feel him cringing in the driver's seat.

"Yeah, you really shouldn't have fucking done that you fucking idiot," Davey groans and he goes more pale. His breathing is so unsteady I can't tell when he's breathing in or out. 

Asteria stays quiet next to me. Gazing from Davey, to me, to Pete, and repeating that cycle, as if she's trying to understand where she is. 

"I really don't fucking understand anything that's happening," Asteria says in a tone she's never spoken in before. It's authoritative, angry, and pretty damn frightening. "How did you get my mother's fucking address in the first place? And why not just give him my address?"

"I didn't want him to show up at your apartment and I definitely wanted to keep you safe. I got your mom's address from your first hospital visit. She was your emergency contact."

"You sound like an actual fucking stalker, Brendon," Davey says from the front. 

"You really do though," Pete chimes in. 

"Can everyone shut the fuck up? Please?" Asteria says and she just stares at me. I mean the entire rest of the car ride just glares into me in complete silence. I keep waiting for her to say something and we finally get to the urgent care center. She finally clears her throat before speaking.

"Brendon, thank you."

"What?!" Davey yells as he whips his head around to look at her.

"I said shut up!" Asteria yells and Davey clenches his jaw and turns back around. I fight the small urge to laugh because I'm absolutely terrified but the fact that he's twice her size and obeys every command she gives him is something I still haven't gotten used to. "You did something to show me how much you cared about me. Before everything. And that really, really means a lot to me."

I feel my body starting to relax and relief slowly washing over me. 

"But at the same time," she continues, "this wasn't your place. Please don't do it again. Now we need to get out of the car because I broke one of Davey's ribs and he's going to pass out."