But Loved

11. How am I

>there won't be a bunch of chapters from Ashton's point of view btw
The picture is _smilelikeniall 's
Singsongash is Her Twitter<

Amethyst's Prov

I parked as fast as I could. I was on a highway just passing a rest stop before he said what he did. I think I left a dent in his steering wheel.

This rest stop wasn't like the others. No one was here and it was just a place to park looking over a cliff. Right when I turned the engines out I was springing out of the car. I just needed air.

He always brings that up! He always brings it up!

Ashton was out of the car following me, but I didn't care.

He brought it up! Why'd he bring it up?

"Amethyst please talk to me," Ashton pleads grabbing my shoulder and turning me to face him.

"Why? So you can tell me how stubborn I am? How I left you? How I ruined everything?" I exclaimed feeling my chest go up and down with no breath.

"No so you can tell me why you never did anything either?" He says just as loud.

"What do you mean?" I ask feeling myself fume with his words.

I was in the hospital, ass hat!

"I mean you left everything until.... Until you started dating Travis," he says.

"Seriously Ashton? That's what you bring up?" I ask completely pissed.

"You're mad," Ashton say quietly looking down at his shoes.

My heart falls to my stomach as I watch a pout form on his perfect lips. His curly hair falls over his face a bit, but still out of the way because of his bandana. He makes me so mad that I can't be mad at him.

"I'm not mad, Ashton," I say softly feeling a headache coming soon.

"Then what are you?" He asks looking up at me his face clearly stating that he was confused.

Seriously can he not tell?

"I'm hurt there's a fucking difference!" I say casually growing louder with each word that passes my mouth, "you think I haven't been listening from my hospital bed like I promised just because I stopped tweeting or did anything related to social media?"

How can he make me so damn pissed, but still manage for me to love him?

"A little bit," he whispers.

"I have been working my ass off to start and graduate college while I was treating my cancer. I was exhausted I'm sorry if I forgot to send you a tweet," I spit, "Plus I might have been a bit self conscious about what I looked like. I was too skinny, my hair was non existent and I was physically and mentally tired all the time," Ashton just looked sorry now, but I didn't stop. He needed to know this.

"But please don't you dare ever think that I forgot about you. There was not one damn moment that I stopped worrying about you. One moment that I regret dialing your number but never calling you. One moment I wish that I knew so much more about you. Or one little atom sized moment that I stopped loving you. And honestly fuck you Ashton! Fuck you for never coming to see me. Fuck you for getting a girlfriend. Fuck you for being this dude that I just can't stop loving and it hurts. It hurts seeing you and her together and It damn well hurts when you bring up shit like me leaving to prove a point!" I finish off.

He didn't talk for a while. It looked like he was trying to think of something to say or do. I should just walk away now.

"Maybe I'm hurt too!" Ashton speaks right before I was about to turn and leave, "You got yourself a new boyfriend too!"