But Loved

19. So, I just Kind of Hugged her

>this will Be very late but I'm sad to say the lives of many won't go in vain this June 12, 2016. Will it not even take the worst massacre in United States history to get stricter gun laws. How many more lives must go before people understand this?<

Ashton's Prov

She distracts herself from the awkward silence by getting new sheets for the bed. She's going to be the new Zayn. Okay that was uncalled for. I might cry. Anywho, I wait until she faces me again. Why is she being so quiet? I just want to know how she's feeling. She's always so guarded. It's not good for her.

"Am?" I speak getting her attention.

"Yes. I want to be normal," she states.

I frown but try to hide it as fast as I can. It doesn't work because when she recognizes my face she frowns, too. I just can't stand the feeling of her feeling like her life isn't right. I get her point because sometimes I feel like I want to be normal again but I don't know it's different. I just can't be normal. It's not who I am and it's not her either. I wish she knew that.

"I'm sorry, Ashy," she starts, "I just want to be this girl who can go around all confident. I don't want to be a victim anymore. And I want to hold your fucking hand while we're walking in the park without getting interrupted with flashing lights. Is that so much to ask?"

Is she tearing up? Oh my, she is. I rush to her side holding in my own tears. When she cries, cry. I understand why I'm crying, but why is she. I just don't like the feeling that I make her sad.

"What's wrong?" I whisper mentally face palming right after the words left my mouth.

"I don't want you to feel like I don't like who you are and what we are, but I just, I just hate my life so much," she admits.

I can't believe I got her to say it. She has been holding back how her mental state was from me and now she confessed. Sadly, I have no clue what to do with this information. I'm not going to say it's new because it's not. She suffered through depression very horribly and that stuff never goes away and I know that. It's like an alcoholic who's been sober for three years. They aren't drinking alcohol but if the relapse who knows. Calum told me not to worry; that Amethyst was stable, but she's not. My baby is crumpling to pieces.

"Amethyst," I whisper getting her to look up at me with her tear stained eyes.

"What?"

"I love you, like a lot," I tell her and she smiles.

"And I love you," she smiles wiping her face. "You got me to smile."

"It's not that hard, but real ones are pretty hard. I think I deserve a metal," I joke and she lets out a really weird scoff. "You just sounded like a walrus."

She lets out a really horribly contagious laugh that gets me laughing. We both fall in the bed still laughing and holding each other. Awe she's so cute when she laughs like this. Oh my god she's even trying to cover her mouth making her look even more adorable. She calms down after a couple of minutes before making me scoff with a stupid question.

"Am I a pretty walrus?" She even bats her eyes. Damn I love her.

"Hell yes," I tell her kissing her cheek. "I have an idea wanna hear it?"

"Sure," she says.

"All of the paparazzi are at your house, so wanna go on a date?" I ask and she blushes.

"You think it'll work?" She asks me.

"If we go someplace small and not bring to much attention to us I think we will," I tell her and she gives me the biggest smirk like she remembered something.