Effeminate Within

Chapter Twelve

Chapter 12

SEAN'S ABSENCE HAUNTED me. And even though Greg did not vocalize it, it was obvious that he felt the gap that he left, too.

We walked through the university as we always did. He joked that we should be holding hands, but I refrained. He made a sad face, but I ignored it. Most people didn't know that I was gay other than my family and friends and I felt like I was not yet ready to step out of the closet for them. I was not yet ready to hear what people would tell me or how my church friends back home would respond when they found out that I was gay and had a boyfriend.

I was gay and sometimes being gay entailed fear.

When we got at the university and had to go to our own classes, Greg guardedly kissed my cheeks before we parted for our classes.

I silently walked inside my class room, my block mates, surprisingly, were quiet as they read hand outs. Handouts. I forgot about the quiz today!

Gavril gave me a wink when he saw me approaching. I urged a laugh. At least, he seemed to carry a good vibe for today.

"How's Christmas?" Gavril asked as I sat. He had his schedule changed so we only get to see each other every Monday and Tuesday. But then he was absent last week so I just saw him now since last December.

"Great. Had it with family and friends. Have you reviewed for today's quiz?"

"Nice. Good for you." He looked down at me as I highlighted some notes on my papers, something I was tired of doing.

"Yeah, how about you?" I said, waving his attention off my work.

"Ah, don't mind me, life remains screwed." He said, smiling. His eyes displayed nothing but happiness, or maybe that's just how he looked like.

"Try getting off from the screwed life. You will like it."

"If that's what you want."

Gavril and I were not really close, but it was not awkward for me to talk to him since we always sat next to one another. He was mostly with his gangster friends while I used to spend my time, mostly, alone if not with Greg or some students I belong the same group with.

The next class would be two hours later, and I had decided to eat lunch. There were several people at the cafeteria and despite the number, I was able to find Greg.

He smiled when he saw me and he approached with his tray on hands. He placed it on the table beside and gave me a manly hug—so that no one would know in case it would seem too obvious. I told him to wait me and when I came back, carrying my tray, I sat across him. Luckily, it was also his vacant time for an hour so meaning, I would have a company for the next hour.

"There you are, my love." He greeted.

I threw him a look, warning him to lower his voice. "Let's eat."

"Why does it feel like we have to hide?" He asked, holding his gaze on me as I spooned. His forehead wrinkled.

Hide. As if being gay was a crime. The thought washed my mind off, leaving it blank. I was unsure what to reply, but I spoke with a forced smile. "This all relationship thing came too abrupt. I think I need some time to let things settle in to me first before we come out to the public. Besides, don't you think we need to prepare ourselves first? We are not like other couples." I said, smiling again before focusing back on my foods. But the truth was I was afraid of what people would tell us, afraid to be judged and seen as a disgusting gay kid who sucked dicks. That was what people saw when you told them you were gay