Effeminate Within

Chapter Twenty

Chapter 20

I HAD THE chance to introduce Darryl to Greg when he came to our table at the cafeteria. "Professor Mortel wants to talk to you. He is at the Faculty Office until 2PM today."

"Sure, I'm coming."

"I hope it will be fun for you. I gotta go. Bye Dominic and Gregory."

At first, I thought it was just nothing for Greg, but after a minute he asked "What is that?"

"I guess it is the group meeting that Mr. Mortel was talking about."

I went to Mr. Mortel's faculty room and he told me to proceed at room 3B. There were three girls and two guys sitting in a circle at room 3B­­ of CAS Bldg. when I got there. They were all strangers except to Darryl, so I decided to sit beside him.

"I thought you weren't coming. I'm glad you're here." The girl on the purple tee said.

"Sorry, I was eating Lunch and also had to do some stuff before going here."

"Are you with someone? Do you know that guy outside?"

Curious, I peeked through the spaces of the window curtain. Standing outside is Greg. Darn, I told him to just wait in the library, "Yeah, but he's OK there."

"It will take a bit long. And also, it will be OK if he stays here inside. Go, call him."

"Done already?" Greg asked as I approached.

"Have not started yet. Go come in. That girl on my side likes you." I winked and he gave a crooked smile.

The meeting started with a prayer followed by introducing ourselves where Greg also participated. The name of that girl who seemed to be their leader was Czarina, a fourth year psychology student. The others introduced themselves too but I found none of them interesting. Three of the members were freshmen and still shy to speak.

When Czarina started to talk, I already had this guess where this conversation would lead us, of course, homosexuality and soon after, her opposition to the relationship which Greg and I had. Mr. Mortel might have already talked to her before coming here and sitting with us.

She talked to me and to everyone else as she flipped and read verses from the bible she had with her. Personally, I had nothing against the word of God. I was a child of Him before anything else and if someone would question it, I would let him. But we were asked to judge with proper judgment.

I liked Czarina being honest and straightforward. But I also hated it when she asked Greg if we were already having sex. Greg was not a mealy-mouthed person so he answered quickly without thinking "Yes. We just did it last night." He gave a short laugh but it died right away when none responded even me.

The back of my neck was cold and shame was flowing through my blood plasma right at the moment. Each one here who sat with us was all Christian. And with me, another Christian, having an affair with another guy?

I felt sick. I tried to gulp but my mouth was dry.

On my side, I could hear Greg gave a dismissing grunts and sharp glares.

Czarina who was moved a little gave an exasperated sigh. "You guys are all grown up and you are responsible for what is going to happen in your life. But whatever it is, we are just here if you need someone to talk to and we will do the best we can to help. It's my duty, just as it is every Christian's duty, to keep our brethren away from fire.

"Now, let me give you my final words." She took in a deep breath like she was so nervous. "I am so sorry to say this, but I don't think that what you are doing is right. Maybe you are thinking who I am to say this, but I am just trying to help you. And you know from what. What you are doing is wrong and this is not God's will for you. Please try to reflect on this and on God's words. I will pray for you guys." She gave me and Greg a weak smile and then she dismissed her group including Greg while she asked me to stay.

"I don't know what to say. I love him." I said when everyone was out of earshot.

"Sin may come taking the form of love. Satan delights in your weakness. Please, Dominic, I know that you are a good person and I believe that you are an amazing child of God. You can do it. You can do this. It is just a temptation; wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to it. I will talk to you again soon. Have a good day."

Later that night, I started to reflect about everything: who I was and what I wanted. About when did this all gay stuffs began. I traced back my family tree to know if there's anyone other than me was gay. I searched over the internet to find whatever explanation or whatever I thought could alleviate this distress of being different.

It all turned out that there was no definite answer.

Maybe being gay was just being gay.

One thing that I only knew was that I woke up one day, knowing that I disgusted the girl that my classmates were pairing to me. And then it got worse when I met Lance.

They wanted me to change. To be like a normal person where a guy met a girl and they loved each other 'til they were married and raised their family. But that didn't mean we couldn't be the same as those 'normal' people. We were normal too and we could raise our own precious family. Besides, it's not the blood that made up a family. It was love.

e(