Effeminate Within

Epilogue

Epilogue

THE SUCROSE FACTORY was still the same. It had been several months since I last went here and now I was coming back not for a date but because the president of each club was supposed to help with the designing and preparation for the graduation day tomorrow.

It was starting to get dark and I felt the urged to go back at the dormitory. But something had stopped me. When I glanced back, I saw the tree where Greg and I had our first real date here in the sucrose factory. That was the time when we both chose to publicize our status. Gladly, the spot was vacated, so I went there and sat for a moment, leaning my back against the bark of the tree.

I thought that maybe this was the right time to completely end all these. This was the place where that love grew and there was no other place where that love could peacefully wither but here.

I inhaled deeply, trying to clear my mind. Greg obeyed when I told him to ignore me, but there were instances when we really needed to talk regarding the Chemistry Club. Those conversations were nothing private and we didn't talk anything else beyond the margin. We were both very isolated to one another.

When we saw each other in the corridors, it was just nothing. We would just avert our eyes like we didn't see anything. I always did it intentionally especially when I saw him with Vivian. That was the girl's name. I heard they were just hooking up, though I didn't know if I would believe that.

We were pretty OK. With the months that passed, the bleeding had gradually stopped until the wound was totally closed. I got to move on. But moving on didn't mean forgetting or stopping to love that someone you needed to get over with.

Because I knew that I still loved Greg.

Moving on was accepting that there were things that were meant to happen. It meant chasing life by carrying on without the past bothering you. I was glad I was able to move on. It was painful at first that I wished analgesics could ease up that pain I was feeling. But that's the thing about pain like what John Green said, yes? Pain demanded to be felt.

But then I got used to seeing Greg with someone else.

For one more time, I closed my eyes and breathed in with the late-fall breeze. But that was a wrong idea because some dust got into my nose and it made me sneeze.

That took the attention of whoever was leaning on the other side of the tree.

"Oh, Nic?" It was Greg. Despite the complete darkness, I recognized him. He stood up, brushing off some soil and dusts from his pants. "What are you doing here?"

"I helped in preparation." I soberly answered.

"OK..." The lights around turned on, making everything around look clearer.

"Are you crying?" I asked, stepping closer to him. His whole face was red and his eyelashes were still wet.

"No. Some of the dust got to my eyes." He said and he finished cleaning his face. "No, no... I mean yeah, I was crying."

"Why?" I asked.

He shook his head. Maybe he realized that he was not obligated to answer that.

"What are you doing here at the first place? You need to rest for the big even tomorrow." It went out of my mouth so casual like I was just some acquaintance being nice.