I am Weakness

Prologue

It was one thing to come into your job running on two to three hours of sleep once because you felt brave and reckless with your sleeping hours for a night, but it was another thing to going through the same chore for months. Stare at the ceiling for several hours, hoping to catch a wink of sleep only to find yourself in the flurry of panic when you realize you slept through the alarm. This felt like the one-hundredth time I was running inside into this tiny radio studio, throwing my invaluable bag to the side upon entering, and skidding into my respectable spot. Landing into a chair as the mousy technician didn't even let his eyes leave his work of wires and cords as a tiny smile rose onto his face. "Let me take a guess, the alarm again?" Fawn chuckled as he worked. "It's sad that I'm more of an adult than what you're supposed to be, and how old are we again?"

"You act like you don't have those days." I retorted.

Fawn lifted his head and cocked it in the direction of the telephone. "You have a call by the way."

"Probably a telemarketer," I grumbled as I reached for the phone. Before I could even pick up the phone I heard Fawn clear his throat now catching my attention. He gave a smile along with a motion to match. I raised the fakest of smiles and brought the phone right up to my ear. "This is Penelope Dewitt, do you have a topic of interest you want to discuss on the air?" I asked.

"Hi Pene, I was wondering if you could discuss your time in the military." An elderly woman spoke.

An eyebrow rose, staring at the wall with a questioning gaze. From the corner of my eye, I could see Fawn watching my features now shrugging at my silence. I moved the phone to the next ear and leaned the phone against my shoulder. "And why do you think I should that?"

"Well, you're the most public kid Alchemist that deserted the military. Your story could be helpful in the discussion of children being in the military especially since Yuki Mustang and Edward Elric disappeared."

I shifted uncomfortably and looked over my shoulder to Fawn who worked on his wires and cords to himself. Then looking back to the wall I nervously tapped on the phone with my a fingernail. "With all due respect ma'am, that doesn't sound like a good idea. There's some stuff that I'd rather not talk about, especially on the air. What I did wasn't deserting, I formally quit the military aft-"

"So you're just going to hide away again like a coward?" The woman spat.

I felt all the color leave my face, a chill shot down my spine as that sudden brutal question crashed into my body. "I beg your pardon?"

"Just like before you're hiding away like a coward. When you face one troubling thing you hide away and cry like the child you are. Really, grow up and try a different tactic." She continued making my skin crawl with irritation.

I leaned forward, catching my composure as I began to rub my eyes and move my fingers to the bridge of my nose. "Ma'am, you aren't the first angry caller I've had to deal with. I have people complaining and screaming at me for different stuff all the time. It's getting old." My voice coming off as exasperated.

"Maybe you should do something about it. Instead of sitting on your lonely ass and hiding away like a pathetic child."

Before I could retort the line went dead, a silence before the ringing signaling the end blared into my eardrum. I pulled the phone away from my ear, listening to the ringing for a moment, then finally letting out a growl and slamming the phone down on its rest. A curse spurted from my mouth, catching Fawn's attention even more. My name cautiously came from his mouth only triggering an angered response from me as I turned to face him. "You would think they would've caught on by now! I just want to move on from what happened!" I exclaimed.

Fawn's face went red and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... Maybe you... Should talk about it."

"We've been over this. I don't want to talk about what happened and that's final."

"Penelope-"

"Pene."

He swallowed nervously and stepped to me with his chair dragging close behind him. Placing the chair in front of me, he took a spot and took my hands in his tiny hands. "Pene, you can't stay silent, not with your reputation. You made this choice when you decided to go on the air for the first time. Also, I don't think what you're doing is working, this method of 'moving on' isn't really working." I opened my mouth to argue back only to have him continue to speak with a quietly stern voice. "Scratch that, I don't think you can ever get over what happened or what's bound to happen, it's part of the fine print to do and see some horrible stuff."

I pressed my lips together, shaking my head softly. "So if this doesn't work, what do you suppose I do next?"

"I'll get back to you on that. But it'll be easier after everyone gets off your back to talk."

"It'll be difficult to talk about."

He shrugged and smiled a little while releasing my hands. When I looked back up Fawn was already walking away with his chair dragging away into the ground. "Well isn't that why I'm here? To make your job easier?"

My eyebrows knotted together now standing and walking to the recording station while he sat down in his respected spot. "You have no idea what you're asking for," I warned quietly when I slowly put my headphones on. After a pause, I let out a nervous laugh. There was no way I was actually going to do this to myself right? Diving headfirst back into the abyss? Maybe I shouldn't think about it, just go for it. Quietly I gave Fawn the okay to start, allowing the bright red recording sign to go off. I was on. At first, I took a deep breath before I allowed myself to speak into the microphone. "So, people have asked time and time again for me to talk about what happened to me while I was in the military. I suppose it makes sense, having one kid in the military was a controversy by itself, but three was huge news. I've wanted to keep silent, but I can't. I'm not allowed to. But if you want to know what you're getting into I'll drop this bomb and set you up for what's to come." I stated with a frown on my features. "I did Human Transmutation when I was little, lost parts of my brain and doctors told me I wouldn't able to live past seventeen because a little girl with holes in her brain shouldn't be alive for long."

Fawn's jaw dropped in the corner of my eye. "Y-You did what?"

"You heard me loud and clear. I committed arguably one of the biggest taboos in alchemy. It wasn't the right call and I highly recommend you don't do it." I stated. Immediately I could hear the phone blaring loudly, but I never moved an inch to answer, not ready to hear what came from them. My head rose, my fingers knitted together on the table, I could feel my eyes light on fire in ruthless blazing heat that seemed to fuel me in new ways. Despite that though, I still felt anxiety boiling in my stomach, overflowing and burning at my insides like lava. I felt cold and calm on the outside but inside I felt a storm destroying every sense of security I had left."I feel like that's a pretty solid introduction if I do say so myself."

"W-What!" Fawn stammered with widened eyes. "No! You have to explain that!"

"I will, but not yet. That's only a taste of what to expect. It's important that's what you hear first because it was the catalyst of where I was then and where I am now. So sit down and get comfortable, for the next couple of days I'll be sharing the story of my life. You asked for it, so here it is. I'm starting my story in Liore and as you may or may not know I worked as the Powered Alchemist with the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, his brother, Alphonse Elric, and the Resonance Alchemist, Yuki Mustang. Together the four of us were a great force with our heads held high and searching for one of the greatest mysteries of our time. The Philosopher's Stone."