just write it all out

5

He left me with just a book... - 01/05/16

Read this when you're sad, the note said.

I read it right away.

I couldn't get through the first chapter, because all the enthusiastic and encouraging words seemed so fake I wanted to throw up. And your smell left on the pages was so strong I could practically feel you next to me.

Read this when you're happy, I wrote on another note, sticking it on over the first one.

I read it two weeks later.

I couldn't get through the second chapter because every time I read something, I thought, I'm doing this already. I don't need the help. And your smell left on the pages reminded me of how it felt to cuddle up to you and bake cookies with you.

Read this when you're... meh, I wrote on another note, sticking it on over the two notes.

I read it a few days later.

I couldn't get through the fifth chapter because, even though it seemed more genuine this time, it all seemed redundant and it all started bleeding into one shade of gray, the color draining out until even the sun was muted, like the rest of my day. And your smell, barely left on the pages, blended into the smell of the coffee next to me and the rain outside.

Don't read this, I wrote on another note, and another note, and another note, until the entire cover of the book was covered in discouraging words.

I picked it up a year later.

I couldn't get through to it until I'd cleared out the shelves in my room and moved them, and discovered the dusty, note-covered book at the bottom, the back cover bent at a strange angle. Your smell was gone, replaced by another's, but I brushed off the dust and sat down.

I got through it, you know. All thirty or so chapters.

It wasn't as happy as I thought it would be, but it was realistic, and that was all I needed.

I straightened out the back as well as I could, took off all the sticky notes, and gave it to the local bookstore. My local bookstore. It's not yours anymore.

I made sure I put a note in it, though.

Read this when you're nostalgic, it says. Unless you don't want to. Read it whenever you like.

I hope it's doing somebody good out there.

Nobody is reading this book. Why am I even doing this??

Anyway, the drawing today is a WIP for a larger project and I wasn't going to use it but I didn't get a chance to draw anything else today, sigh.