No Games Left to Play

Prologue

After my trial was over, I was allowed to return to twelve. I'm not quite sure if I'd describe it as being allowed to return to twelve, more like being condemned. Though I'm not arguing, twelve is home.

One of the conditions made in allowing me to leave the Capitol was to continue being seen by Dr. Aurelius. It'll have to be done over the phone though, there's no way he'd consider moving to twelve.

Plutarch, Haymitch, and I take a hovercraft home. During the flight, Plutarch mentions something about eventually finding me a job in the Capitol. They can't now due to the fact I'm currently not allowed there. I'm a little confused after. Why Haymitch would be returning to twelve? If they can find me a role, why couldn't they find one for Haymitch? Especially since he didn't assassinate the President of the new Panem.

After dropping Plutarch off in Three, I look across the way at Haymitch.

"So why are you going back to twelve?" I ask.

"They can't seem to find a place for me in the Capitol either, sweetheart."

"Oh," I say.

That's when it hits me. If he's coming back to twelve, it's because he's been ordered to.

"You have to look after me, don't you? As my mentor?" He nods. "So, my mother isn't coming back, is she?"

"No," he says reaching into the pocket of his jacket. "She's helping build a hospital in four. She wants you to call her when you get home."

He hands me an envelope he just pulled out from his shirt pocket. I take it and look at the beautifully formed I handwriting, tracing it with my finger. I don't blame her for not coming back. Between my father, Prim, and the ashes, it would just be too difficult for her.

After what seems like an eternity, we land in Twelve. In the darkness of the night, Haymitch and I walk down the green between the houses in the Victor's Village. He helps me into my house, although I don't know why. I am perfectly capable of doing it alone.

I take a seat on the rocking chair in front of the pre-lit fireplace. Haymitch heads for the door but stops before walking out. He turns to me and starts to speak. "See you tomorrow."

I nod and turn back to look at the fire. Once I'm confident he cant hear me I mutter under my breath, "I doubt it."

I don't feel like moving from the chair to my bedroom to sleep. The rest of the house is cold, empty, and dark. I'd rather stay here by warm fire, at least that's what I tell myself. It's just an excuse for my lack of motivation to move.

It's been several days since we've returned home. I haven't changed my clothes or even showered. I don't care. It's not like I have anyone here I need to impress, or anyone who cares. It's just me. Gale didn't even come back to twelve. Heck, I don't even want to be here. I just want to be dead. I would be if Peeta hadn't knocked the nightlock pill out of my hands.

Over time I start moving to the couch to get some sleep, but it's a constant battle with my nightmares. Sometimes I'm too scared to fall asleep. Others the nightmares keep me up. A good night's rest is extremely rare. It's even harder now that I don't have Peeta to comfort me when I wake up screaming.

One night, a nightmare wins the battle I've come to know so well. I wake up trembling and sit in the rocking chair, fighting sleep for the rest of the evening.

I notice I've fallen back asleep because I'm woken up by Greasy Sae making a ruckus in the kitchen. 

"Oh, good. You're up," Sae says, a little to cheerfully for my liking. "Here, I've made you eggs and toast, eat up."