No Games Left to Play

3: An Eventful Day

I'm walking through the Capitol, disguised. I'm headed to the President's mansion to kill Snow. I'm almost there when parachutes start falling from the sky. The Capitol's children reach for them, they know what they contain from watching the games. Nothing bad ever comes from them. Seconds pass and the first round of parachutes explode. Killing most of the children. The ones who didn't die are severely injured. The rebel medics rush to help the children. I get a glimpse of her blonde braid down her back. Then I notice the duck tail formed by her untucked shirt.  I'm shouting her name. She catches sight of me for just a moment, her lips starting to form my name. That's when the rest of the parachutes go off.

"PRIM... PRIM... PRIMROSE!" I wake up screaming.

"Shh, Katniss. It's ok. You're ok." Peeta whispers into my ear, wrapping me into his arms. My violent thrashing must have woken him up.

"No, it's not Peeta." I weep him his embrace. "She's dead because of me."

"It's not your fault Katniss. You did everything you could to protect her." he assures me.

I don't say anything. I just sit in his arms and cry.

"Katniss," Peeta says. "You've done so well lately. What made you have a nightmare?"

I look at him and shrug. "Today's the one year anniversary of her... death." I sob more. Just the sheer thought of knowing she's dead hurts me. We stay silent for a minute before Peeta speaks up.

"Maybe... if you think of her as just away, it might help." Peeta says, hugging me tighter.

"What?" I sniffle.

"One day, you will see her again. Don't think she is dead. Think of her as away." His hand moves up and down my arm. "Think of her all the same. With a cheery smile and a wave of the hand, she ventured into an unknown land. She's not dead. Just away."

"Thank you, Peeta." I whisper.

Peeta's always had a way with words. He knows exactly what to say to make someone feel better. He soothes me for a while longer. No one else's arms have made me feel this safe. My breathing starts to return to normal and I'm not so tense in his arms anymore.

"Better?" he asks concerned.

"Yes. Thank you." I say.

"I love you, Katniss."

"I love you too."

Peeta told me he would stay with me today, in case I needed him again. I wouldn't let him. Helping rebuild his family's bakery is special and he needs to be apart of it. I'm not going to hold him back from that. It's my fault he has to rebuild it anyway. I eventually fall back asleep, even though I tried my hardest not to. I don't want to be haunted anymore.  Peeta left for the bakery while I was asleep. He called Greasy Sae to come make me breakfast today. I appreciate that he still cares about me enough to make sure I don't slump back into the dark hole I was in a year ago. 

After a while I decide to get out of bed and call my mom. I know however bad I feel, she has to feel just as horrible. The phone rings about five times before there's an answer.

"Hello?" my mom says.

"Hey mom, it's Katniss."

"Hi, honey. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just thought I would call because, you know."

"I know." she says sorrowfully. "How you holding up?"

"I'm ok, I had a really bad nightmare for the first time in a while."

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks.