No Games Left to Play

13: Awkward Conversations

All of our friends that live somewhere other than District 12, set off on their journey home this morning, except my mother. She decided to hang around until this evening, which I wasn't going to argue with. Whether I want to admit it or not, I miss her. We've had our problems, and I like to think we've solved them, but I also know we haven't. I haven't 100% forgiven her yet and I think that is just going to take time.

However, I am glad she decided to not leave this morning because it gives me a chance to ask her about ways Peeta and I can avoid getting pregnant.

After breakfast this morning, I went in her room and began stripping her bed to wash her sheets, but she stopped me and insisted on doing it herself. So I let her. She even offered to do Effie's sheets as well.

Elroy called during the middle of breakfast with a problem at the bakery. Peeta was in a rush to leave immediately to take care of the problem and was so frantic that I didn't quite catch what was wrong, but it was something along the lines of a cake falling apart when the customer came to pick it up.

Peeta called just before lunchtime to say he was going to be a few hours longer.

I still need to talk to my mom about things I can do to make sure I don't get pregnant and I can't decide if it would be more or less awkward if Peeta was here too, so I decide to take this opportunity to talk to her alone.

She's putting the clean sheets back on her bed when I knock on the door.

"Hey," my mom says, pulling the fitted sheet over the corner of the mattress. "What's up?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I ask, stepping into the room.

"Yeah, is something wrong?"

My mom takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"No, I just need to ask you a question," I say, taking a seat next to her. "And It's probably going to be awkward."

"Ok... is everything alright? Are you sick?"

"No, no. It's nothing like that. I— um... God, this is so hard to ask."

"Katniss, it's fine. I'm a professional."

"Ok, so Peeta and I are... being intimate," I choose those words because I can't imagine just coming straight out and saying we are having sex.

My mother doesn't look at all phased by the news I just dropped in her lap. She doesn't seem like a mother who has just found out her daughter is having sex. Who knows what's going on in her head, but her face is completely free of a shocked or deer-in-headlights look. It's like she removed the 'mother' hat and and replaced it with her 'healer' hat jus like that.

"I don't want to have kids," I continue.

"And Peeta?" My mother asks.

"He wants them, but supports my decision. He's hoping I'll change my mind at some point, but I don't know. I don't think I ever will. I'm just too scared. After everything I've seen and lost everyone I've lost, I just don't think I could do it. Peeta completely understands though. Every time we've had this discussion he's said that he doesn't need kids to be happy as long as he's got me."

"So you're wanting to know if there's someway to prevent pregnancy then, right?"

"Yeah, Peeta thinks the only way is to not have sex, but I don't think it's fair for me to deny him both kids and sex."

"How often do you guys..."

"We've only done it twice."

"Is your cycle pretty regular?"