No Games Left to Play

14: Surprises

I hear the hovercrafts release the bombs to create the avalanches. I shiver with fear as I picture everyone in the Nut rushing to find a way out, trying to escape death.

"It's a war, Katniss. Sometimes killing isn't personal. I figured if anyone knew that it was you," Gale says.
"I of all people know that killing is always personal."
I hear the explosions finish and the rubble tumble down the mountain. The cheers of the rebels and the chant of District 13 in the background let me know that the task has been completed.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you," he says.
"I can't," I reply.
Our conversation is cut short and now I'm speaking to the loyalless. 
"We all have one enemy, and that's president snow," I shout. "Tonight, turn your weapons to the Capitol... turn your weapons to snow!"

"Anybody can kill anybody, even a president," Johanna says. "You just have to be willing to sacrifice yourself."

"All I know is that I would have saved myself a lot of suffering if I'd just given that bread to the pig," Peeta says through gritted teeth.

I jolt awake, throwing my body into a sitting position as I gasp for air. A pair of hands rest on my body, one on my lower back and the other on my thigh just above my knee. I quickly clutch on to my side— remembering the pain in my ribs from where I had been shot as I walked away from Peeta's room that day— to check for any sign of the casualty. No sign of pain assured myself that everything was just a dream.

I wipe the thin layer of sweat from my forehead before resting it in my hand. Closing my eyes, the faces of every dead loved one flash by. I squeeze the sheets with my other hand as I try to grasp reality, slowly breathing in and out to try and regulate my breathing.

This nightmare was almost as bad as the one in which I was a buried alive. Where, one by one, every dead person I knew by name came and threw a shovel full of ash in my grave, ultimately landing on me. As the dream went on, which was quite a long time considering the number of people on that list, it got harder and harder for me to breathe.

"Katniss, you're ok. You're safe," Peeta whispers in my ear. He pulls me closer to him to get a better hold on me, knowing that what I need after a nightmare is the comfort of his embrace.

Although I desperately want his arms around me, I pull away. I understand Peeta didn't mean what he said in my dream. When he said that he was a weapon the capitol created, not the Peeta I know and love. But I can't help but feel distant from him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No," I say shaking my head, forcing my eyes not to meet his.

"Was it your dream? I haven't seen you have one that bad in a long time."

I nod, "I haven't really had a nightmare lately."

"I tried pulling you out of it but you wouldn't budge," Peeta says.

"Thanks for trying."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It was just a bunch of flashbacks of stuff that happened during the rebellion and the faces of people haunting me."

Peeta doesn't try and pull me closer to him again. Instead he settles for rubbing my back, knowing that some sort of physical contact is better for me than none at all.

"That's all?"

I shake my head.

"You.... you said something that hurt my feelings. That's what pulled me out of it."