Crossroads

Ch. 18: Hate How Much I Love You

Daniel

I leaned over the railing on the balcony and watched over the calm waters of the sea. The swift motion of the waves rising and then colliding on the sands of the beach made me feel at peace. The sun smiled at me as it peaked over the horizon, not yet fully shining considering it was early dawn. The only movements were the flying birds and those on their early morning jog.

I couldn't sleep last night as what I did replayed in my head over and over.

"What the fuck are you doing Khalil? It needs to be done! Jefe's running out of patience with you." I heard as I hid behind the dumpster watching as one of the guys pushed Khalil against the brick wall and the other punched him. He groaned as he tried to wipe the blood trailing down his face.

"I said I'm not fucking doing that man! I love her!" He shouted. I knew they were talking about India but I was confused as to exactly what they meant.

"Your time's running out boy." The taller one, the one who punched him, said to him as he pointed a finger in his face.

"Just kill him off. Jefe ain't gone care," The one holding him said.

I watched as the tall one reached into his jacket and before he could pull out any weapon I aimed my gun and shot him in his neck before revealing myself and shooting the other in his eye. The third one, who seemed to have been in the lookout, ran from behind a vehicle to get away but I shot him in his back. He fell face forward on the concrete.

Khalil looked over at me shocked. "What the hell?" He put both hands above his head as he panicked.

"Let's go!" I looked around just to make sure I didn't see any witnesses lingering.

"But, the bodies-"

"Nigga, we gotta go!" I tucked my gun back at my waist and ran around the building to the Limo with him right behind me.

I didn't think I'd have to use my gun again, any time soon. Especially to save the boyfriend of the girl I love. I laughed to myself at the thought.

But, what kind of person would I be to leave him behind to be dead. That would have made me a punk. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing India fall into depression over that. I had to accept that he made her happy. I did appreciate that he treated her how she deserved to be treated. For that, I had respect for him. I personally had no problem with the kid, other than me being envious of the fact that he was with India. He was cool people so, therefore, I could be a man and be cordial with him.

I heard the glass door behind me slide open and seconds later India appeared next to me in Khalil's dress shirt with her wild hair in a messy bun. She couldn't have made it more obvious that they had sex last night.

She smiled at me and leaned over the balcony spitting out what I was assuming to be mouthwash.

"Good morning." She mocked my position leaning her hands on the railing.

"Morning," I replied softly.

"It's just after five. What you doing up so early?"

"Nothing. Just thinking." I ran a hand down my face.

"Would I be bothering you if I asked what you're thinking about?" She asked knowing I didn't like to talk about what I was thinking. Since I usually was unclear about my own thoughts.

I laughed for the first time since last night. "Yeah, a little."

"Well, what are you thinking about?" She grinned.

I answered her with a single shrug.

She playfully pushed me. "Come on. You know you can tell me anything," She encouraged.

I looked into her eyes. "Why do you care?"

She shrugged and comfortably rested her head on my shoulder. "Because I just do. Problem?"

I chuckled. "Kinda. I mean, how would Khalil feel to see you out here, half naked, touching on me."

She lifted up her head and watched me. "Since when do you care about how Khalil feels?"

"Since I've been thinking. I thought about how I would feel in his situation. I've realized that it's unfair for me to compete with him and try to win you over. Maybe I should take the very common advice of if you love something, let it go. Don't you think that's best? That's what you want right? For me to leave you alone so you can be happy with him?"

She bit her lip and fiddled with her fingers. "No," She whispered.

I twisted my face up in confusion. "Then wh-"

She cut me off by pulling my face to hers and placing her soft, smooth lips onto mine. My hands immediately travelled down her back until I gripped on her ass and lifted her up as she wrapped her legs around my waist.

Without breaking the kiss, I retreated into my private room and took a couple steps to the bed. I set her down gently on her back and made myself comfortable between her legs. I broke to kiss and used to arms to hold myself up as I stared down at her. She pouted her pretty pink lips. As much as I would have loved to feel the familiar pleasure of going further, I moved away from her and sat at the edge of the bed putting my head in my hands. She was stressing me out and I had a hard time coping with everything.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. She sat up on her knees and moved closer to me since I distanced myself from her. "I know I'm wrong for leading you on."

"So why do you do it?" I asked, my voice sounding muffled.

"Because D," she sighed, "No matter how hard I try to fight it, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still in love with you. And you being so close to me makes it hard to control my feelings."

"Yeah bu-" I paused as I heard her sniffles. "Fuck you crying for?"

"I don't know. This whole thing is stupid, I'm stupid. But I'm not stupid but what I'm doing is stupid so I'm stupid even though I'm not stupid."

I lifted my head up and stared at her in disbelief. "What?"

"See," she cried, "I never know where my head is at these days. Ever since you came back my life has been a big ball of confusion."

I sighed and played with my chin hair not knowing what to say. "Stop crying chink. You know I hate to see you cry." I pulled her close to me and held her in my arms. I kissed her forehead.

She snuggled her face into my chest. "I hate how good you make me feel. I hate how much I love you period."