Crossroads

Ch. 31: He's Here

India

I sat up in my bed at 11 in the night. Since Daniel left home four days ago to go to "handle business" he had not been home. I couldn't sleep because of all the thoughts possessing my mind so I decided to use my favorite form of escape. Poetry. I used to always write down what I felt but lately I had abandoned it. Now it seemed like I would have to resort to that again to keep me occupied.

Love is kind

Love is blind

Just four letters holding so much power

I tend to lose it's hope by the hour

I'm starting to rethink this thing called love

Looking for answers over there, below and up above

How could I love you in your absence?

Over time I'll forget the feeling. Past tense.

I paused and read over what I wrote. Why was I beginning to lose hope in love? I believed Daniel when he called me stupid. I must be. How could it ever be possible to love two people at once? I didn't understand. All I did was make a mess of everything.

Father God, I place my worries in your almighty hands. So that you could guide me. Show me what I must do Lord. Give me strength to be able to care for this child you have blessed me with. Open up the minds of my parents so that they could comfort me instead of look upon me in disappointment when they find out. I ask that you help me settle things with the ones I love. So that we could live in comfort and peace. I know it's been a long time since I've spoken to you Lord. But there is no one else to turn to when my troubles have become a burden. Lord, in your mercy, hear my prayers.

Amen.

It's been years since I've thought about praying. Ever since my dad died it's been hard to keep the faith. Right about now, I was confused and I did not know what else to do.

I picked up my phone to call Daniel for the 42nd time. Straight to voicemail.

I knew he was angry that I called him Khalil but I seriously didn't know how that happened. Daniel made me feel way different than Khalil does... or did. But somehow I loved both feelings which was what left me torn between the two.

Daniel kept it real with me. He loved me but didn't take my bullshit. I always knew he had such a soft heart when it came to me but he always tried to hide it. I loved that he was sweet and caring. Hell, he even said he would help me take care of my baby. That's a real man. He made my stomach swarm with butterflies and every time I saw him smile my heart was happy. I wondered how things would have been if I had just waited.

Khalil actually got to show me love because we were together. I never gave Daniel the chance to do that again because of Khalil. Khalil spoiled me and treated me like a queen. He gave me all his attention and I loved that about him. Could I have been blinded by that?

I looked over at my night stand to see the gift he gave me sitting there. I reached for the box and opened it. I watched the diamonds glitter as the light from the lamp reflected on it. It must have costed him a lot but he always said when it came to me he had no budget.